FINDING CONFIDENCE | IN COLLABORATION WITH CATS PROTECTION TYNESIDE ADOPTION CENTRE | AD

*all photos from the Cats Protection Tyneside Adoption Centre Summer Fayre*

I was very honoured to be invited back to Cats Protection Tyneside Adoption Centre to attend their Summer fayre a few weeks ago. As the majority of you know, I’m a huge supporter of pets benefiting your mental health and cats - in particular - have always meant a lot to me after growing up with one and then having Dolly when I was discharged from Hospital, and now Emmy(!); so collaborating with an organization like Cats Protection means a great deal to me. I’ve visited the Tyneside Centre a few times before and we’ve collaborated on the 12 Cats of Christmas series last year so when they asked me to do some social media at their Summer Fayre; of course, I agreed! 



As soon as I got to the event, I got talking to Joanna Plumb from St John’s Ambulance and within minutes we were discussing I’m NOT Disordered! I was later asked where I found the confidence to talk to complete strangers about something as personal and controversial as mental health and it inspired this post…

24 HOURS WITH... AWARD-WINNING COMEDIAN; DAVE CHAWNER | Ad

Date: Friday 6th October  

Good morning!

What time did you wake up? 

5am!

Why did you wake up at that time? 

I’ve just got a new job presenting a breakfast show on radio. It’s great, and so much fun...but it’s bloomin’ early!

Did you have a dream? 

Yup, but I can’t remember it

Do you think today will be 'good' or 'bad' day? (use your own definition of these words to answer the question) 

Definitely good - it’s a Friday! Being grumpy on a Friday is a bit scowling at a kitten - it’s impossible

What are the first three things you do after waking up? 

Press snooze on my alarm. Sleep. Press snooze again

Do you eat breakfast? If yes, what did you have? 

Porridge

POST FIVE: #TimeToTalk Day in collaboration with Time To Change | Ad

#TimeToTalk

Hello!

This year, Time to Change (TTC) will be working in partnership, with I’m NOT Disordered on a exclusive series of projects for Time To Talk Day (TTD) on February 2nd. 

Questions completed by Angharad May, Mental Health Blogger, featured in Channel 4 Documentary: On the Edge and Online

Can you tell us about the worst (least helpful, most upsetting, anger-provoking etc) talk you’ve had with another person regarding mental health?

I was talking to a mental health professional who told me that I simply had to 'leave the past in the past' when I was experiencing flashbacks; that I should just 'distract myself'; that I wasn't 'trying hard enough' in my recovery and compared me to someone who had apparently tried and fought much harder than me; that other clients were much worse off than me; that I was 'attention-seeking'; that I was 'messing around' when I couldn't eat; and that I was 'pretending to be psychotic' when I was hallucinating and hearing voices. A lot of other things were said which I cannot talk about. This conversation, or rather several conversations with this person, made me feel frightened of them, of this person who I was supposed to be able to trust to help me get better. I was also frightened that they had turned other people against me too, which made it even more difficult for me to trust. I was in hospital, and pretty vulnerable, when the conversations took place. I disagreed with pretty much everything that was said to me, but didn't have the confidence or assertiveness skills to be able to stand up for myself, and then I began to doubt myself and in turn believed what was said to me, which then sent me into a massive downward spiral. This conversation had a very negative impact on me and my hard work in recovery. However, I have become strong enough to now turn this negative into a positive. I am proving them wrong, and getting myself better in so doing.  

24hrs with a Bulimic sufferer

24 hours with... Becky Thompson
Date: Friday 15th April 2016
Why have you chosen to write about today?
I've been wondering for a while when I'd feel like it was the right day to do this, but I got discharged from inpatient care yesterday so today is my first day in over 2 months while living  independently with my mental health conditions, which I thought would be interesting

Good morning!

What time did you wake up?
10:30 - before going into hospital in February I had a terrible sleeping pattern of going to bed at around 4am and waking up around 6pm which was terrible for my depression but since my stay in hospital I've gotten into a much healthier sleeping pattern

Why did you wake up at that time? I didn't particularly have anything on today so I got to lie in until I wanted and woke up naturally
Did you have a dream? I had many haha! I have a lot of recurring nightmares that I won't go into in much detail but generally being readmitted to hospital and having a breakdown in public are in there as those are two of my biggest fears

Do you think today will be 'good' or 'bad' day? (use your own definition of these words to answer the question)
I think it will be mixed - it's great that it's my first day as a free woman after being discharged from inpatient yesterday but there's also the struggle of being on my own for the first time in a while which could be difficult as I struggle with feelings of being alone, particularly when I'm out of hospital

What are the first three things you do after waking up?
Tuck Albert back into bed - he's my toy lamb that helped me through hospital when I was younger so now I sleep with him every night and give him a kiss before bed and when I wake up haha I'm like a little kid! I'll look in the mirror and try to gage how bad my body image is this day and then go for a cig

Do you eat breakfast? If yes, what did you have?
Yeah I had 2 bowls of Special K, I had one and still felt hungry so I had another and was going to binge but I managed to fight the urge to eat any more after that and kept myself downstairs so I didn't go to the bathroom

What would be your perfect breakfast?
Oooh that's super difficult because I love breakfast so much anyway but probably either pancakes and syrup or just some good old muesli

Is there anything that you have to do today but don't particularly want to?
I need to sort out all of my things from hospital and put them all away in my room but I really struggle with being messy and disorganised when I'm depressed so my room is pretty cluttered anyway - I need to properly sort it out and throw away all the old stuff I don't need but I'm finding it hard to put away my smaller clothes from when I used to restrict so it might take some time...

List five things that you do between 9am and noon.
Normally, I'll have breakfast, go for a cig, I'd like to say get dressed but I'd be lying if I said I did that every day - I got half dressed today though, go through my phone notifications as I've got far too many apps and I'll either go to college wed-fri or go and veg-out on the sofa with some bad TV

Did you eat lunch? If yes, what did you eat?
I had some goats cheese and pesto pasta today that my sister made when she got home from college - we'd planned it as a nice lunch together which is one thing that kept me from binging earlier on

-What would be your perfect lunch?
Very difficult but possibly a brie, grape and cranberry sauce sandwich - they're delicious and my dad used to make them for me as a treat when I was younger

List five things that you have done, said, thought, or that have happened between noon and 5pm.
I sorted out 3 of my bags of stuff from hospital and put some clothes to one side in my room that I know don't fit me anymore. I got a new iPod yesterday so I spent ages trying to sync all of my music over. I love Queen so I thought "oh yeah I'll download their best-of album, which turned out to be a cover album - very disappointing! When my sister came home from college we had lunch and a chat over some fruit salad and I had a chat with my mum about how I felt today when she came home from work. Oh and a few more cigs haha.

Do you eat dinner/tea? If yes, at what time?
At home I generally eat dinner between 6 and 8 but it's hard to get back into a normal pattern after hospital as they have it at 5! Who has dinner at 5? Seriously?

What do you eat?
We had pizza tonight as we have a tradition at home of having pizza every Friday, it's kinda like mine and my sister's special thing, although it's difficult not to turn it into a binge

What would be your perfect dinner?
Chinese food I damn love chinese it's my favourite!

What do you do with your evening (5-8pm)?
When I'm back at college I should be doing work at this time but tonight I went to the village pub with my mum for some wine to celebrate coming out of hospital

Do you have a 'get-ready-for-bed' routine? If so, what is it?
On a good day I'll wash my face then get changed, take my meds and take a drink up to bed. On an average day I'll just take my meds and stumble up to bed after some wine but regardless of whether or not I've been drinking I have a very specific skin-picking routine that takes at least an hour before I can actually go to sleep. Very annoying but I've never been diagnosed with anything due to it.

What time do you go to sleep?
It used to be between 1 and 6am but recently it's been more like 10 or 11 pm. It really depends on what time I take my night time meds as they make me sleepy.

Is this when you want to go to bed? Or is it influenced by what you're doing the following day?
If I'm going to college the next day I'll try to make it before 1am but sometimes it stretches to 2.

Do you share your bed?
Nope - all to myself! I only have a single bed though so I don't have a lot of room for spreading out

Which position do you tend to sleep in? e.g. foetus, starfish etc.
I tend to go to sleep in the recovery position just because I find it really comfy but I roll around a lot in the night. I also rock myself to sleep like a baby - I find it comforting and it helps me to relax although I'm terrible to share a bed with!

Reflect

What was your favourite part of your day?
Waking up and realising I'm at home and not in hospital! I have a lot of dreams within dreams and I'd already dreamt that I'd woken up back on the ward so it was a huge relief to be at home after

What was your least favourite?
Looking at all the stuff I have to sort out in my bedroom - I don't have the motivation to keep my room tidy but seeing it messy is also a big stressor for me.

Did anything happen today that you'd like to change or re-do?
I wish I hadn't eaten so much at breakfast - I know I need to lose weight but it's difficult to find the motivation to do it healthily without relapsing.

Did you 'learn' anything today? (use your own definition of this word to answer the question)
I learnt that I can cope on my own at home but that I think I need to keep myself busy. Not having anything to do is a trigger for me as it leaves me to brood on my thoughts so I need to find more productive ways of using my time

Are you looking forward to tomorrow?
I am actually! I don't often feel like this but I now have a weekend ahead of me as a free woman so I can go out and do what I want!
What do you have planned? I'm hopefully going to get my nails done tomorrow with a voucher my sister got me for my birthday - hopefully nice nails will give me a mood boost :)

EDAW 2016 with Angharad May from C4 documentary On The Edge and Online | 'Ad'

[TW]

Anorexia has consumed my life for over a decade. I have lost over a decade of my life to this horrific illness. The media glamourises and sensationalises eating disorders, and so I am here to reveal to you the truth this eating disorders awareness week.
Ultimately, eating disorders kill. Your body shuts down, and eventually, you die. I have been on the brink of death with this disorder, and can definitely tell you that it is far from glamorous.
Anorexia has taken me to hospital more times than I care to remember. Anorexia has led me to having tubes thrust up my nose and into my stomach when I could not orally feed myself. Anorexia had me on numerous IV drips to nourish my dying body. This is how out of control diets can get. I started off wanting to lose weight for a prom type event in school. Firstly, breakfast was cut out, and then lunch was thrown in the bin, and dinner was purged.
I loved the euphoria of not eating. I was disappearing, which is what I wanted. I was becoming invisible, which is what I desired. In my head, the smaller I became, the less visible I was to anyone who hurt me. The more hurt I inflicted on myself, the less it hurt when those around me hurt me, and so starving myself made the hurt inflicted by others less painful.
Having food inside me made me feel utterly disgusting, and still does to this very day. When I don't eat, I feel clean, empty and euphoric. My mental health improves and so my Schizophrenia is easier to cope with. When I do eat, I feel dirty, violated and depressed. My mental health deteriorates and I become suicidal.
I am writing this piece to reach out to anyone going through a similar situation. I am here for you. Please reach out and get help before things get too horrendous. You deserve to live freely, without an eating disorder taking over your life. The bravest thing you can do is to reach out. Please don't suffer alone in silence.
Together, we can conquer this!