DEAR GREYLAN | MY BEST-FRIEND HAD A BABY BOY!!!

Dear Greylan,

When I first stumbled on your Mum’s Myspace (don’t ask – it was trendy back then!) through having some mutual friends, my first thought was ‘she has such a good taste in music’ because her profile song was amazing, and I hadn’t heard it before! And how grateful am I for not knowing the name of the song or who sung it? SO grateful because it was the reason for me to actually contact Lauren and ask the name of it so I could go download (yes, we did that back in those days!) it. By the way, it turned out to be She’s So Lovely by Scouting for Girls!

When I ended up transferring to your Mum’s school to study, I remember seeing her and telling a friend I’d talked to Lauren online and my friend said, “oh she’s so rich and popular; she won’t be your friend!” Funnily enough, your Mum was told terrible things about me too, but I have this very strong belief that what happens is meant to happen for a reason. So, I believe that your Mum and I were told those things to give us a bigger motivation to become friends and now look at our friendship! Look at all it has become. All we have become, together. So please know, that you should have faith in a friendship – that you should allow it the opportunity to flourish despite what others may think of it.

And that’s what our friendship did – it flourished. When, we finished our exams at school, most of our friends went off to University but your Mum and I didn’t, and I think that brought us closer. It kind of ignited a mutual feeling of empathy and understanding. As if we were sort of on the same path. And that path definitely led to a whole ton of alcohol (I still have photos if you want to see your Mum in a mess?!), a bunch of giggles, and a lot of adventures.

EVERYTHING I WANT MY ABUSER TO KNOW

This post has been a long time coming… I’ve written so many posts about abuse and how I feel toward my abuser but according to my research I’ve never actually written something aimed at him… I guess the obvious reason for this would be that I’ve been too scared with how hard it would be, and also the fear that it would bring forward a lot of memories that I might not be able to cope with. 


So why is now the right time to write it? I think that even though I’ve been unsafe recently, now that I know my medication is being increased, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and the hope that the increase will work, gives me the strength to write this post… 


I found out a long time ago that my abuser was reading my blog so there’s every chance that he’ll see this post and my words will actually reach the person they are intended for. On the chance that they don’t though, I hope that these words help other survivors of sexual abuse to see that the things they might be thinking of and the things they might want to say to their abuser, are echoed by other survivors. That having experienced something that can leave you feeling so completely lonely, we can be united in our achievement of having survived!

A LETTER TO YOU | I’M NOT DISORDERED’S UPCOMING BIRTHDAY!!

With I’m NOT Disordered’s seventh Birthday just around the corner (January 6^th), and the blog post to celebrate scheduled, it felt only right that I write a little something for you all!

To those who use my blog to feel less alone,


I’m so, so, sorry that you’ve felt alone in the first place – I know what an awful feeling that can be, so I really appreciate that I’m NOT Disordered helps you to feel understood and validated.


Loneliness in mental health is – sadly – a common feeling because our thoughts often lead us to believe that no one else has ever experienced what we are going through and in doing so, we’re left thinking that no one could ever understand how we feel.


When I was abused in 2006, there was very little in the media about rape and sexual abuse and the little sexual education I’d done at School, had been the traditional teaching of how-to-put-a-condom-on-a-banana! So, when the abuse began, I didn’t even know what it was called; never mind know that anyone else had ever been through it! And not knowing others had experienced abuse, meant that I didn’t know it could be survived – that you could come out of it ‘ok’. I didn’t realize that it would end; never mind that it could impact your mental health – let’s be honest, there wasn’t a whole lot in the media about that either – or that you could also come out of it stronger than ever! Perhaps if I’d known this, I might have felt better placed in speaking up against the abuse and reporting it the second it started and not two years later!