EVERYTHING I WANT MY ABUSER TO KNOW

This post has been a long time coming… I’ve written so many posts about abuse and how I feel toward my abuser but according to my research I’ve never actually written something aimed at him… I guess the obvious reason for this would be that I’ve been too scared with how hard it would be, and also the fear that it would bring forward a lot of memories that I might not be able to cope with. 


So why is now the right time to write it? I think that even though I’ve been unsafe recently, now that I know my medication is being increased, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and the hope that the increase will work, gives me the strength to write this post… 


I found out a long time ago that my abuser was reading my blog so there’s every chance that he’ll see this post and my words will actually reach the person they are intended for. On the chance that they don’t though, I hope that these words help other survivors of sexual abuse to see that the things they might be thinking of and the things they might want to say to their abuser, are echoed by other survivors. That having experienced something that can leave you feeling so completely lonely, we can be united in our achievement of having survived!

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK 2020 POST SEVEN | A ROUND-UP OF MHAW & A VLOG

We made it!!!! Day Seven!!!

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed producing all the content for I’m NOT Disordered on this years’ Mental Health Awareness Week and I hope you’ve all liked it!

In case you’ve missed any of the posts, here’s the links to each one:

DAY ONE | THE IMPORTANCE OF KINDNESS:

http://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2020/05/mental-health-awareness-week-2020-post.html

DAY TWO | READING AS KINDNESS:

http://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2020/05/mental-health-awareness-week-2020-post_19.html

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK 2020 POST SIX | BUILDING ON PASSIONS & HOBBIES AS KINDNESS

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world."

Harriet Tubman

Welcome to the penultimate post in Mental Health Awareness Week here on I’m NOT Disordered!


Today, I thought I’d talk about how beneficial hobbies and passions can be and how building on them can be an act of kindness!


I wouldn’t say that I really have a ‘hobby’… but I used to! I used to absolutely love horse riding after going to a friend’s Birthday party at some stables, and I’d go for lessons every weekend at a local farm. I was obsessed with horses so when I wasn’t riding one, I was pretending that I was. Unfortunately though, I had a bit of a scare whilst riding one time – the horse I was on decided to gallop and when he finally obeyed my commands to slow down, he came to an abrupt stop at a jump and I almost went straight over his head! It was enough to dissuade me from riding ever again and so my one real hobby dwindled.


It didn’t seem like long without riding when the abuse began, and I stopped noticing or caring that I didn’t have a hobby or any real passion. Looking back, not many people I knew had a hobby then, so I really didn’t stand out for it; it wasn’t as though it was another sign of abuse that people missed… 

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK 2020 POST FIVE | ACTS OF SELF-CARE AS KINDNESS

self-care

[sɛlfˈkɛː]

NOUN

1.       the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health

 "autonomy in self-care and insulin administration"

2.       the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress

"expressing oneself is an essential form of self-care"

There are so many forms of self-care that I had considered separating them onto each day of Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW) but then I had my other ideas so here they all are in one post. One post about how important each act of self-care is, how I practice and benefit from them, and tips for you to utilize them too!

Sleep

I don’t know about anyone else, but my sleep pattern has gone to complete… poo since lockdown began! I guess because I’ve felt as though I’ve not had any real need to be up and to go to bed and a specific time. Before lockdown, my sleep wasn’t the greatest, but at least I had commitments to motivate me to wake up and go to bed at an acceptable hour! Reasons to set my alarm. Now though, it really doesn’t matter if I sleep through the daytime and have all my energy at night. I think that as long as I can be awake when I need to – like for my phone call appointments with my Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) and Support Worker, then that’s all that really matters.

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK 2020 POST FOUR | TV & MOVIES AS KINDNESS

“Every time I go to a movie, it’s magic, no matter what the movie’s about”

Steven Spielberg

Similarly, to reading, watching movies or TV series can be a brilliant form of escapism! For a lot of people, it’s much easier to get lost in a storyline where it’s visual because you’re not really having to use your imagination and create images from what you’re reading. This can also mean that movies can be more engrossing and powerful than a book. They can really bring forward different moods and emotions depending on the type of movie; comedy, horror, romance… they each can have a different impact on your mental health. So, choosing to watch a comedy when you’re feeling sad and low, can be an act of self-kindness.


So, I thought I’d use this post to talk about my ten favourite movies that cover different aspects of kindness…

(May contain spoilers!)

Honey

“I found something that I truly love, that truly makes me happy. That’s a million times better than something that makes you rich.”

Chaz

This dance movie features a lot of acts of kindness towards others with the main character – Honey – organizing a fundraising project for a dance school. I think the storyline is made more wholesome because it’s set in a low-income area of America where gang violence is prominent, so the acts of kindness are even more prominent when considering the environment and background. It really illustrates that kindness shouldn’t face any barriers in so far as race, income, location etc.