CHRISTMAS Q&A WITH AUTHOR MARTIN BAKER | 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS WITH I'M NOT DISORDERED |

It’s a special time of year and so, to celebrate it, I wanted to do something special on I’m NOT Disordered for Christmas. I have decided to bring back the Christmassy Q&A I put together last year with the questions being from a YouTube video and have posed them to many different people from all of the country and doing all sorts of jobs, in all sorts of roles, living all kinds of lives!

So let’s kick off Day Three of 12 Days of Christmas with I'm NOT Disordered with the answers of Martin Baker, Author of High Tide Low Tide.

1.    When do you start getting excited for Christmas Day?

'A YEAR SINCE PUBLISHING' WITH MARTIN BAKER (CO-AUTHOR) | GUEST POST | Ad

Among many opportunities I’ve been offered – and have accepted – recently; is to work personally with an Author whose book is about to be released VERY soon; (that’s all I can say until the official press release on September 7^th!) and it made me think about Marty and Fran. They have both featured many times on I’m NOT Disordered and Marty recently supported me at an ITV event (post to come soon) so I wanted to check back in with them and see how they felt about their own book, (High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder) almost one year since publishing.

Could you remind readers what your book is about?

My best friend Fran Houston and I wrote High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder to share what we have learned about building a caring, mutually supportive, friendship between a “well one” and an “ill one.” We hope our book will inspire and inform others who—like me—want to help support a friend who happens to live with mental illness. Fran lives in the US, with three invisible and episodic conditions: bipolar disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS/ME), and fibromyalgia. Despite living 3,000 miles away in the UK, I am Fran’s primary support and carer. “High Tide, Low Tide” was published by Nordland Publishing, in September 2016.

POST FOUR: #TimeToTalk Day in collaboration with Time To Change | Ad

#TimeToTalk

Hello!

This year, Time to Change (TTC) will be working in partnership, with I’m NOT Disordered on a exclusive series of projects for Time To Talk Day (TTD) on February 2nd. 

Questions completed by Martin (Marty) Baker, Mental Health
Author and Blogger

Can you tell us about the worst (least helpful, most upsetting, anger-provoking etc) talk you’ve had with another person regarding mental health?

My scariest experience happened in 2013 while my American best friend Fran, who lives with bipolar disorder (also chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia) was traveling in Europe with her parents. We'd been friends just over two years and despite the distance I was (and am) her main support and carer. Fran found the trip incredibly stressful. It was the most difficult time she'd experienced in years, and the hardest for us as friends because although we kept in touch we didn't have the usual frequency of calls. At the time this happened, Fran was in a mixed state of depression and mania. She was anxious, self medicating with food, alcohol and cigarettes, and frequently suicidal.

One evening we were on the phone, the first call we'd managed in several days. I was in my garden at home. Fran was in a restaurant. Her parents were across town in the hotel. She sounded drunk and I pulled her up on how much she was drinking. Later in the call she said "If I don’t make it back to the hotel, I need Mom to know how much I love her.” She'd never spoken like that before but I didn't question her about it, I think because I'd already told her off about her drinking. After the call I got scared. What if Fran had intended - consciously or unconsciously - to take her life. I waited for her to let me know she'd got back to the hotel but she didn't. I messaged and texted her but there was no reply. I didn't actually think she intended suicide but I couldn't take it for granted. It was a horrible feeling.

Around five thirty in the morning, Fran got in touch. She'd been sick when she got to the hotel and the wifi was down and she had a poor phone signal so she couldn't let me know. She couldn't remember talking about her Mom but was sure she hadn't been suicidal. Nevertheless, it taught me to pay close attention, and never to dismiss or ignore anything that feels odd or dangerous. We both learned from it. We've been in similar situations since, and I always bring "red flag" behaviour or comments to Fran's attention so we can talk about them.

24hrs with a Bipolar Sufferer

24 hours with... Vanessa McIntosh, a lifestyle blogger from lipstickandlinguistics.com.

Date: 22/04/16

Why have you chosen to write about today?

Honestly? Because my deadline for this post is tomorrow and I leave everything 'til last minute! *blushes*

Good morning!

What time did you wake up?

I woke up at around 6, but stayed in bed 'til 8.

Why did you wake up at that time?

I haven't been sleeping well as it is, atm, but today I woke up with chest pains due to costochondritis, which I think I brought on by too much gymming (turns out lying horizontally watching Netflix 99% of the time doesn't prepare you well for exercise after all)!

Did you have a dream?

Probably, though not that I can remember. I'd love to start one of those dream diaries 'cause I remember them vividly first thing, but deep down I know that if I do it'd just end up being one of those things I started and didn't bother my backside finishing. 

Do you think today will be 'good' or 'bad' day? (use your own definition of these words to answer the question)

Good. It's food shop day today which is ALWAYS good, though I should point out that it's also cleaning day, which admittedly isn't all that!

What are the first three things you do after waking up?

Check Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Yep, I'm addicted to social media. I keep proposing to my partner that we do something called 'no phone Friday', which is some sort of phoneless date night, but so far I haven't been able to put it down and keep it down...

Do you eat breakfast? If yes, what did you have?

Always. Typically I have a smoothie, but today I was feeling sorry for myself so had a bacon sandwich on to slices of gluten free bread.

What would be your perfect breakfast?

Smashed avocado on toast with poached egg and chilli flakes. I know, I know - I'm such a basic bitch, aren't I?

Is there anything that you have to do today but don't particularly want to?

Clean. I'll probs not bother.

List five things that you do between 9am and noon.

Make tea, drink tea, check my email, read something and write something. 

Did you eat lunch? If yes, what did you eat?

Today we made gluten free spaghetti with pesto. Such a healthy day I know! 

What would be your perfect lunch?

If I'm honest, probably a McDo, but I'm trying to eat a bit better after piling on the pounds (I'm looking at you, psych meds)! Today's been a write off though, clearly. 

List five things that you have done, said, thought, or that have happened between noon and 5pm.

I did a food shop, put the shopping away, made lunch, ate lunch and washed the dishes. I also had a nap, but that's six.

Do you eat dinner/tea? If yes, at what time?

I do. When we eat varies, but tends to be around 6pm.

What do you eat?

All sorts! 

What would be your perfect dinner?

Pizza or pasta but I rarely have either, if I'm honest. I'm intolerant of both lactose and gluten so try to avoid the two as much as I can.

What do you do with your evening (5-8pm)?

Make dinner, eat dinner, and clean up after dinner. Watch TV and run a bath. 

Do you have a 'get-ready-for-bed' routine? If so, what is it? I do.

Because I have trouble sleeping I try to practice good sleep hygiene and have a bath every night to unwind. I have problematic skin, so will remove my makeup with a cleansing oil (any kind will do) and a hot cloth, and then go in for a second cleanse with my Moringa Cleansing Balm by Emma Hardie and a fresh flannel. I'll then acid tone with something like Pixi Glow Peel Pads or First Aid Beauty Facial Radiance Pads, and apply my Vitamin E Overnight Serum-In-Oil by The Body Shop followed up by a night cream (usually the High- Potency Night-A-Mins by Origins). Thrice weekly I'll throw in a face mask between cleansing and toning (such as Mask of Magnaminty by Lush) as well, and twice a week I'll be sure to wash and blowdry my hair. I'll then do my teeth, change into pjs and come downstairs to spend some time with my partner Craig before heading to bed.

What time do you go to sleep?

I get into bed at around 11pm, but usually lie awake until 1. I then might get a couple of hours of shut eye before waking again at 3, and getting off to sleep again at about 5. Craig's alarm then goes off at 6.30, and once I hear him up and about I'm awake for the rest of the day.

Is this when you want to go to bed? Or is it influenced by what you're doing the following day?

Regardless of what I'm doing the next day I'll be in bed by 11. I worry that if I go to bed any later I'll be up even later and I can't be doing with that.

Do you share your bed?

Unfortunately.

Which position do you tend to sleep in? e.g. foetus, starfish etc.

I sleep on my front  with my head turned to the left and both arms under the pillow. Apparently it's called the Freefall position!

Reflect

What was your favourite part of your day? 

My nap and waking up to the fish tank having been cleaned. 

What was your least favourite?

I would say cleaning, but we've put it off 'til tomorrow. Oops.

Did anything happen today that you'd like to change or re-do?

Nahhh, what's done is done! 

Did you 'learn' anything today? (use your own definition of this word to answer the question)

That to give myself costochondritis I must be hella unfit!

Are you looking forward to tomorrow?

I am.

What do you have planned?

We have to clean the house since we didn't bother doing it today (snore), do a few loads of washing and go to my partner's parents' house for Sunday dinner at 4. I'll probably false tan as well since I'm looking a bit see through. 

Thank you for contributing to the series!

Goodnight! 

NTW NHS sign Time To Change pledge | 'Ad'

I was recently invited to a small event at the large psychiatric hospital in our area. You all know that I work a lot with Time To Change, but this year, I'll be collaborating with NTW on many different projects (there'll be another post about that). NTW (in case you don't know) is Northumberland, Tyne and Wear; one of the largest mental health NHS Trusts.

The pledge signing was held in a conference room at the hospital and I was so relieved when I spotted four people I knew!

The first little speech came from Associate Director, Nigel Campbell from Rethink (one of the two organisations involved with Time To Change. He began by telling us that they now had over 300 businesses and organisations who had pledged to do all that they can in tackling mental health stigma; the organisations varied from Rolls Royce to universities and government departments. Nigel described these organisations as 'forward thinking' and that they were pledging their dedication to the belief that stigma is not acceptable. He then went on to discuss that Time To Change's work is driven and shaped by those who use mental health services in order to reflect on the interactions between the two.

We then heard from a service user who was also a qualified mental health nurse (I can't publish her name but let's call her S), and had experienced mental illness in her mid teens yet was only diagnosed at the age of 47,  with Bi-Polar. She said that after struggling for so long the diagnosis didn't shock but she had to take 3 months off work when she most poorly. In returning to work she had to decide whether she would tell them about her diagnosis; her husband who worked in management advised her not to. He worried that it would hinder her career and affect her chances of any promotions or pay rises. However, S felt that her work was valuable and beneficial for her wellbeing, and so she opened up about her mental health. S found some problems when she requested extra shifts and Occupational Health had to give her the OK so it took a long time; but reflecting on it, she was able to understand that her colleagues weren't familiar with working with someone who has a mental health condition. S wanted to instill in her colleagues that she was still the same person now that she had a diagnosis, but felt that she often had to prove that she was well. She talked about once you have a diagnosis like this, everyone will assume that if you have a bad day then you're poorly again - something I've experienced too. S finished with saying that she felt choosing to speak out is individual to each person and there is no right or wrong decision in doing so, but she hoped that by speaking out, it might encourage others to. 

Next, Lisa Rodrigues, CBE and voluntary chair of the project's working group, voiced her personal experiences in mental ill health. She began experiencing difficulty with her mental health at 15 and after attempting suicide she experienced being badly treat by a nurse. Lisa had been told she was a 'waste of space,' she was taking the nurse away from helping 'more poorly patients' and that she had been selfish in attempting to kill herself. I found this interesting because I have also been met with all of those comments and completely agreed when she said people who self-harm etc, will already be feeling those things about themselves, and so there is no need for others to make such spiteful remarks. Lisa found Cognitive Behaviour Therapy helpful as it helped her notice her problems and then do something about them.

Finally, my good friend and CEO of NTW, John Lawlor, made the closing speech. He briefly mentioned how own experience with mental health that took the form of depression, and went on to talk about his experience of applying for a new job. He'd received a call from someone he named as a reference and they told him that they didn't think the potential new employer should know about John's depression and refused to include it in his reference. John went on to discuss an example of why he was signing the pledge; he'd once spoken to a service user on a ward and they'd said that you can tell who are the patients because the staff have their own cups. He pointed out that something like this, that might seem so trivial but it's a example of how such simple things can leave deep seated feelings that shouldn't be underestimated. John hopes that in signing the pledge it will help improve services to become aware that they might get it wrong in interactions with service users, but that judging and criticising are not the best way to change and improve things. 

To read the website post that my NTW media people have put together click here

Lisa Rodrigues Twitter:

John Lawlor's Twitter:

And, there'll be an entire post out soon about all of the projects and collaborations that I'm NOT Disordered will be doing in partnership with NTW NHS. Trust me; it's VERY exciting!

"I came to accept this was the path chosen for me" - A guest blog by Jonny Benjamin

I was ten years old when I first heard a voice in my head. It told me it was an angel. At first, I quite liked it being there. It was more like a companion, telling me such things as "don't forget to do your English essay; it's due tomorrow."

Around the same time, I first saw the film 'The Truman Show.' My friend who I watched it with suggested that I might possibly be in my own version of the film. I laughed off the absurdity of the idea, but in my mind a seed had been planted. What if I was on my own TV reality show without my knowledge? It was possible. It happened to Truman Burbank; it could happen to me.
And so, for the next decade I believed I was being watched by cameras wherever I went. I also thought that my family and friends were actors, playing their parts in a world fabricated around me.
Like the voice I was hearing, I came to accept that this was the path chosen for me, and that there was little I could do to change that. I may as well embrace it. But when I turned 16, I started developing severely low moods. They would last for days and weeks on end, and I spent hours in my room crying at times. I was embarrassed, ashamed and didn't know how to articulate my feelings to anyone. I kept silent about it. It was at this point that the voice I was hearing changed too, becoming sinister and tormenting. I now believed I was being possessed by the devil. It issued me challenges like: "your parents are going to die in a car crash unless you walk up and down the stairs three times." I started to consider suicide. One day I tried to strangle myself in the school toilets. Life had become unbearable and I was unable to cope.
Despite all of this, I probably seemed like a typical teenager to those around me. In fact, I was a bit of a swot at school; achieving really high grades in my GCSEs. One friend did notice a difference in my behaviour though, and confronted me about it. I told him about the incident in the school toilets and he forced me to see my GP. Over the next few years I saw various GPs and tried courses of anti-depressants. I always played down the true state of my mind. I was terrified I would end up in an institution like Claymore Hospital in the film 'Girl, Interrupted' if I did. I was also convinced that this would all just pass. At 18 I left my home in North London to go to drama school in Manchester; I was sure that it was the change I needed to put everything right. It only took a few days though, before I fell back in to a cycle of depression. This time, it hit harder than ever before; but I was determined to carry on and achieve my degree. I treasured my time at drama school; every day it allowed me to escape my reality by becoming someone else. Outside of it though, I was really struggling: drinking heavily, self-harming and alienating myself more and more from people around me.
At the age of 20 I had a breakdown. It was a freezing cold night in late November 2007 when I left my house feeling totally out of control. I went onto a dual carriageway and walked down it, shouting and screaming at the cars driving past. It felt like my mind and body were being controlled by the devil. I was in psychosis and needed serious help. I collapsed on the carriageway and was taken to A&E. It would be another few weeks though before I was admitted to a psychiatric unit and given a diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder; a combination of Schizophrenia and Bipolar. I found it impossible to come to terms with; it seemed like I'd been handed a life sentence. There was also the issue of my sexuality, which I refused to talk about whenever it came up in therapy. I couldn't bring myself to admit I was gay; coming from a Jewish background, I was sure that my family would disown me.
A month into my stay, having given up hope of getting better, I ran away from hospital, intending to take my life. I was apprehended though by a passing stranger who stopped me with his word: "I've been where you are. I got through it, I know you can too." I will never forget the weight of these words and the impact they had in me. For the first time in so long, I could see through the darkness that had brought me to this moment. I decided not to go through with my actions and returned to hospital.
Recovery was slow and gradual, but from my brief meeting with the passing stranger, I had a sense that it was possible to overcome my illness. I was also able to accept my sexuality as well, thanks to a wonderful nurse who sat with me every day, telling me how happy she was that her son had come out. Her words of love and pride prompted me to do the same.
It's taken a number of years, but I can finally say I have learnt how to manage my condition. I'm now very open about my mental health; creating a YouTube channel that has been watched by hundreds of thousands of people and receiving praise from the likes of Stephen Fry. I've also written a book of poetry and presented a BBC3 documentary about living with mental illness. I want to pass on the message of hope to others. Overcoming any adversity in life is possible.

Bi-Polar in 10 - A guest blog by Sharon Sutton

1. You can wake up feeling a shadow of your former self

2. Your thoughts seem to race faster than an F1 driver

3. Forgetfulness is happening too much in your everyday life

4. You wonder how you can feel so empty and hollow inside when you're putting weight on

5. Insomnia is a regular occurrence

6. The illness can make you driven and successful, causing jealousy

7. Your offspring won't necessailry have your disorder

8. You feel like you're the life and soul of parties

9. You're not 'mental' or 'crazy'

10. You don't have a terminal illness

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