THE THINGS I COULD SAY

Step one, you say we need to talk

He walks

You say sit down, it’s just a talk

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

The Fray – How To Save A Life

I toyed around with a lot of different titles for this post and I worried that some of them gave the wrong impression… initially, it was ‘THE THINGS I WISH I COULD SAY’ but I don’t want people to think that I’m wishing I could see the person who abused me. Actually, what I meant by it was that I was I were ready to say those things. I wish I was ready to see him, and I wish I was ready to say these things when I did. But when I thought about my fear of people misinterpreting this, I thought that maybe there are other abuse survivors out there who have also thought about what they’d say to their abuser if they could and I really didn’t like the thought that they were sitting there thinking like I was; ‘I can’t say this to anyone because they won’t understand.’ If someone else told me they were having these thoughts and feelings, then I would support them in finding the courage and bravery to speak up regardless of their worries about others. I’d tell them that if it’s going to help them to talk about it, you shouldn’t care what anyone else might think. So why should I be any different? Why shouldn’t I take my own advice?!

A CHAT ABOUT TRUST IN MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES | TW

After self-harming over a week ago I was put under the care of the Northumberland,Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust Crisis Resolution Home Treatment Team (or the Crisis Team basically!) and on the day before I was discharged from their caseload I self-harmed again. When I did it the staff arrived to see me and ended up taking me to A&E for stitches. When they went on to their next visit with another service user, they ended up leaving my care plan at that person’s house and as soon as they realized they returned to the house and got it back. Then I got a phone call with an apology to tell me what had happened and that the Team had reported the breach of data protection. The support worker who called me asked if I wanted the complaints procedure and it didn’t take me long to reply with ‘no.’ I think he was surprised but I came to that conclusion because I knew that the Team had done all that they could to rectify the situation; they’d realized what had happened, gotten the care plan back, reported it, and apologized to me. It was that last bit that really helped in my decision not to make a formal complaint. I’ve talked before about how important apologies are to me and how I think they’re essential in mental health because they’re the cornerstone of building – or maintaining trust in a person or a service. The Manager of the service called me and asked if there was anything else they could do because she didn’t want me thinking that I couldn’t trust the Team and therefore wouldn’t utilize them as support in a crisis. But that trust has been maintained with the apology.

WHEN THE NURSE TAKES HER APOLOGY BACK

It feels like it’s been a long time since I wrote a more personal post – I think that I’ve had a lot of collaborations recently; but I’m NOT Disordered started with me writing about my day-to-day life so I guess it’s something that attracts people…?


Last week, I had my weekly appointment with my Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) and she asked what my long-term goals are so I said that I’d like to be discharged from the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) by the end of the year.  She asked what needed to happen between now and then for me to think that I was well enough for discharge and I told her ‘no self-harm.’ To which she replied, ‘I don’t think that’s realistic… your life will always revolve around self-harm now.’


I mean…?!!!!! What a comment!


In the appointment I told her that I wanted to end it early and started crying so I left.

The next day, she rang me to apologize. I’m one of those people who appreciates apologies a lot and I think that it takes a big person to not only recognize when their behaviour has been wrong but to also then say they’re sorry for doing it.

WHY THERE IS NO PLACE FOR EXCUSES IN MENTAL HEALTH

ex·cuse

[excuse]

VERB

·         attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or justify.

synonyms:

justify · defend · make excuses for · make a case for · explain (away) · rationalize · condone · vindicate · warrant · mitigate · palliate · apologize for · forgive · overlook · disregard · ignore · pass over · turn a blind eye to

·         forgive (someone) for a fault or offense.

"you must excuse my sister" · "he could be excused for feeling that he was born at the wrong time"

·         overlook or forgive (a fault or offense)

So, I was watching Pretty Little Liars on Netflix and one of the characters said, “don’t make excuses for her; it’s demeaning.” And it led me to thinking a lot about instances where excuses have come up in mental health – in my mental health. I think that people in general are pretty much notorious for forever providing excuses for their behaviours, attitudes, thoughts, and feelings; no matter what they are. Positive or negative. ‘Right’ or ‘wrong.’ No matter what the situation.

WHY APOLOGIZING IS SO ESSENTIAL IN MENTAL HEALTH

Like many things in mental health, there’s always a backstory to a person’s response to something. My appreciation of apologies is no exception…

“There’s nothing I can do but apologise.”

I was told by the Psychiatric Liaison Team that I’d be having a Mental Health Act assessment and when a Psychiatrist eventually showed up it was to tell me I could go home.

Being told you’re having a Mental Health Act assessment is – for me, at least – one of the worst things you can hear where your mental health is concerned. I think that if the Northumbria Police officers hadn’t been so supportive at that time, I would’ve completely ‘gone off on one’ and fought against this happening with all my being.