WEEK FIVE | 52 LISTS FOR HAPPINESS | OLIVER BONAS | AD

You can buy this book here

(Apologies for the delay in publishing this post!)

Every week, for 2018 there will be post of what I’ve done in the book each week. And the fifth list?

List the best choices you have made in your life so far:

HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY RONNIE | A COLLECTION OF MEMORIES WITH MY FIANCE

Before I get started on this post, you might want to read this post from 2016 where I talk about PDA and my thoughts on talking about my relationship online.

To mark my Fiancé, Ronnie’s, Twenty Ninth (he’s going to kill me for saying that!) Birthday; I figured I’d do a post on all things ‘A&R.”

CHRISTMAS Q&A WITH MY FIANCE RONNIE SKELTON, MECHANIC & PHOTOGRAPHER | 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS WITH I'M NOT DISORDERED

It’s a special time of year and so, to celebrate it, I wanted to do something special on I’m NOT Disordered for Christmas. I have decided to bring back the Christmassy Q&A I put together last year with the questions being from a YouTube video and have posed them to many different people from all of the country and doing all sorts of jobs, in all sorts of roles, living all kinds of lives!

So let’s kick off the last part of the series: Day Twelve of 12 Days of Christmas with I'm NOT Disordered with the answers of my fiancé Ronnie Skelton, qualified mechanic and photographer.

1.    When do you start getting excited for Christmas Day?

TWO YEARS 'TIL WE MARRY & ONE YEAR SINCE THE PROPOSAL

In exactly two years (22^nd November 2019), I’ll be standing at the front of a church telling my soul mate “I do,” love him and will continue to for all eternity.
And tomorrow will be the one year anniversary since I said ‘yes,’ I’ll make that promise, and say those vows, and wear that beautiful princess-cut diamond ring.

Forever and beyond

That’s how long I’ll stay

How long I’ll love you

With the promise not to stray

I’ll be by your side

When times get tough

Through the good and the bad

When things are rough

I can’t imagine life without you

I hope I never do

I’d much rather think about

The moment I say ‘I do’

A QUARTER OF A MILLION READERS!!!

BEFORE I BEGAN TO BLOG…

Having been abused when I was younger I internalised all of the mental (and physical) pain; and held onto the anger through my reluctance to tell anyone it had occurred. Over the following two years I tried various dangerous and unhealthy coping methods before I began experiencing auditory hallucinations in 2009, and out of fear; I took an overdose.

Over the following three years I self-harmed (in many different ways), took (according to my files) over 60 overdoses, and was sectioned under the Mental Health Act on countless occasions where admissions to Psychiatric Hospitals lasted from anywhere between a couple of days, to several months.

WHEN I BEGAN TO BLOG

In July 2012 I attempted suicide and woke up in Intensive Care. There (once I came off life support) I agreed to go into a long-term (the average stay was claimed to be 12-18 months) hospital specialising in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The hospital (Cygnet Hospital Bierley) was based over 100 miles away from my home, my Mum, my family, friends; and everything I knew…

The Things Turning 26 Made Me Think About [MY BIRTHDAY]

                               

Turning twenty six kind of caught me by surprise...

Obviously I dont mean that I forgot it was going to happen! It was just that I was hit with the realisation that it would be completely normal for me to start thinking about - and talking about - time frames (not sure if that's the best way to phrase it) for a lot of the important milestones in life: a house, marriage, and babies!

I think that a huge factor in making this such a shock, was the amount of time - years; I've spent, being convinced that I had no future because there were so many times when I'd do something that could, potentially, make it impossible.  

All of these professionals; Psychologists, DBT therapists, Occupational Therapists, Community Psychiatric Nurses (CPNs), and pretty much every member of staff whilst being an inpatient with Cygnet; would be asking me to think of goals. They'd have this generic 
form that demanded five short-term goals and three long-term, how they could be achieved, and by when I would like to have achieved them. Of course I understood that the purpose in doing this was to give you motivation on days when you felt hopeless; but, realising that for me, at that point in my life, 'short-term' meant however many hours were left in the day; and 'long-term' was within a week, it made me feel even less hopeful. 

My life was like that for such a long time that finally being able to say 'in the next few months I'd like to...' or 'in a years time I'd like to...' was overwhelming! This might sound strange to some of you, but; accepting that you have a future... It's - not hard... But... It's not how some people might imagine that straight away it's like 'yay! This is so good!' I feel like this is an aspect of mental health recovery that you might never think of or consider unless you're told or you experience it; because, in all honesty, it threw me off a little bit. It made me embarrassed; feeling that I now had to almost play catch-up with my friends. Those I'd studied my A Levels alongside were on the verge of becoming fully qualified Lawyers [the career path I'd planned to take] and those who'd gone on to do an apprenticeship were now permanent and full-time employees. And if I wanted to stick to the whole 'Law-route' thing then I'd need to re-sit all of my A Levels before I could even start considering University. 

Getting Engaged at PASTUREWOOD HOLIDAYS [& exclusive discount code] | Ad

EXCLUSIVE TO I'M NOT DISORDERED READERS:

GET 10% OFF YOUR OWN TRIP WITH PASTUREWOOD HOLIDAYS WITH:

GLAMP1A3S5T

 *T&Cs apply. Please see below.*

Photography: RJ Photography

In a post not so long ago (PDA or Expressing Love? [WE GOT ENGAGED!!] | Ad) I talked a little about Pasturewood Holidays being the location of Ronnie's proposal, and so I wanted to dedicate an entire piece to this amazing, and special glamping location!

Before Ronnie and I went along (21st-23rd November) I had actually already been to Pasturewood with one of my best friends, Lauren; (you can read all about that trip here!) and it was actually her who got the ball rolling for this trip with Ronnie, when she told me that Pasturewood had an offer on for stays in the 'pods' between set dates. 

I was really excited to go along with Ronnie and to have some time alone. Together.
When I'm with Ronnie, I feel as though we're in our own little bubble - a pink, heart-shaped bubble of love - and that whenever we are, I need to be reminded that other people exist! So the thought of having a few days in that bubble were an absolute dream!