THE POWER OF UNDERESTIMATING IN MENTAL HEALTH

Off the back of my most recent self-harm I was put under the care of the Crisis Team and when I had the assessment with them to decide whether they were going to put me on their caseload, one of the staff said something to me that inspired this post. She said; “I know you look very put together, but I know that you’re good at doing that when you’re actually really struggling inside.” It was really reassuring to discover that they knew this because it’s something that, I think, it’s something about me that takes a little while to learn and it’s something that’s kind of essential when supporting me with my mental health. I told them that my CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) always says I’m like a duck because they look calm above the surface but underneath, they’re paddling furiously to stay afloat. That’s me. It’s so challenging to be this way because I feel as though mental health professionals are looking at me thinking ‘if you can laugh and joke then you can’t be suicidal.’ And the hardest part is, I understand why they’d think that way and honestly? If I hadn’t gone through what I have, I would’ve thought the same of another person. I think that I cope this way because while the abuse was happening, and I had all of the reasons that stopped me from telling someone, I felt like I had to put on a ‘brave face.’ And coping like that for so long – I didn’t report the abuse for two years – has meant that it’s sort of become ingrained in me. Like a habit. Or a knee-jerk reaction.

Red Nose Day: Special Report

Red Nose Day is something I’ve never really been enthusiastic about; I joined in the activities they’d run at school but I never really used my initiative to raise money or even took the time to watch the campaign on TV. This year, it’s caught my attention when my Mum told me Zoella is taking part in a special ‘Bake Off’ for Red Nose Day.

It just so happened that I bought some magazines for the first time in ages and in the April issue of Cosmopolitan, there’s an article titled ‘The Red Nose Day report that will break your heart.’ I was a little curious; sometimes the stories of malnourished children and poor medical facilities, become… Less effective when you’re hearing about them all the time. But this, was different.

Rwanda have more female MPs than anywhere in the world with 64% (the UK has 23%) yet the fact remains that 1 in 5 women experience sexual violence. The progress in their political representation, is still yet to help the poorest women living in poverty that is so great they often turn to sex work as a means to survive and go on living with a fear of violence.

Money raised in Comic Relief, is making a difference, though. The UK-based charity; Ryico run a centre named Centre Marembo, which provides a safe haven for those fleeing abuse and offers education courses. In an exercise to help the women recover from their abuse, each held up a sign detailing their experiences. One woman, was raped by a neighbour and fell pregnant at the age of 15 and was subsequently shunned by her family. Without their support, she was determined to raise her baby boy well and so she got a job at a hotel. When a car accident left the woman in a wheelchair she was taken in by the centre and in the other women, she finally found a family who loved her. Another awe-inspiring story came from a sixteen year old who, at the age of nine, was raped by a family friend and threatened to maintain her silence. After getting a job as a cleaner, she refused to sleep with her employer’s husband and was subsequently accused of stealing and held in a detention centre.

These stories of absolute admirable bravery and strength are, of course, evidence of the impact services provided by the money raised from Comic Relief can have on people. However, as a survivor of sexual abuse, I also believe that there must be a higher awareness and more money being put into services in the UK to help similar survivors/victims.

Caroline Flack, who specially reported on this story for Cosmo, summed it up with ‘…My life was carefree and my parents protected me from any danger. That’s how it should be for all of us.’

'Exploring the impact of a difficult childhood on how we relate today' - at Recovery College

Whilst I was in the specialist hospital,  a psych hospital nearer home began the 'Recovery College' in one of their departments. This College is for service users, which has meant that I had more confidence going into such an environment than I did going to a 'normal' college, where I'd be constantly worrying about whether my scars were showing.
They run a number of different courses and the impact of a difficult childhood is the first course I've done with them, it was ran over a full day (9:30am - 3:30pm).
We began by learning about the brain's development and how babies are only born with only survival instincts and no emotion regulation; they rely on their carers for this. In a child's brain, the connexions between their thoughts and behaviours etc, form rapidly through interactions so that if a child isn't experiencing kindness then they will forget what it is, whilst interactions that are occurring, strengthen the relevant connections. Many of the service users there had experienced difficult childhoods at the hands of their parents so a lot resonated with a lack of love making it difficult for them to love others. I, however, had the most loving childhood with my Mum and family so I offered a different perspective on things. I told them how it wasn't just about not having love; there was the other side: not experiencing hurt, let down, betrayal... I had none of that growing up; which is largely a good thing but then when I was hurt by someone, it came as a massive shock because I didn't know people like that even existed!
We learnt how children learn particular things, such as how to talk, how to care for others, the difference between right and wrong, how to handle upset and develop skills. Then we talked about how important love and attachment is, as it teaches emotion regulation, helps to develop self-esteem, provides expectation and develops trust and safety. This, helped us in understanding the devastating impact abuse and neglect can have on a person. Neglect can impact self-esteem, communication, problem solving and self-soothing skills as well as relationships. Whilst, abuse can leave physical affects such as scarring, physiological such as insomnia and disassociation and psychological. We then discussed how the reactions you receive regarding your abuse or neglect will often shape your own thoughts on it and also, the affects it has on you. For example, if you were to report abuse and the person you told branded you a liar, then you'd perhaps retreat and keep the abuse a secret from then on. However, if you told a family member what was happening to you and they validated your feelings and supported you in telling the police then the affects might be more short-term.

'From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says "I have survived." Turn your wounds into wisdom'

 

We were taught the five ways in which you can overcome a difficult childhood. Firstly, by acknowledging what has happened which, I thought, was also influenced by the reaction when you first tell someone.  Then, you must let go of the shame which (in my personal opinion) is an emotion which is enough to make you suicidal as it causes you to feel utterly worthless. You must then, recognise your strengths. At this point, we all had to list our greatest strength and I said my writing and told them about my blog. They were all amazed and impressed; a reaction which never gets old for me. You must then, develop new skills which is difficult as it is hard to shake off old, destructive coping mechanisms and skills.

Finally, most importantly, you must love yourself. 

 

"The scars that you have made mean you have to lie" - A guest blog by Stacey Dymond

1. Can you remember when you first realised you were mentally ill? What made you realise? How did this make you feel? And what did you do in response?

I first realised that there was something 'wrong' when I took my first overdose. This made me feel guilty, ashamed, upset, angry, hurt and scared because I didn't know what was wrong and I hurt my family by attempting to take my life. I talked to my mum and the professional at A+ E which helped me a lot and reassured me that people do care.   

2. Which of your 'symptoms' of your mental health diagnosis bothers you the most? And why?

There are two symptoms of my mental health that bother me the most; the first is the auditory hallucinations that tell me to hurt others; I don't want to be a violent person and I don't want to hurt other people. The second, is self harm because afterwards you have to deal with the guilt of what you have done to yourself and also, you have to deal with the scars. Gone are the times when you can be 'normal' and wear what you want; the scars that you have made mean you have to lie and constantly cover up or you risk being stigmatised.     

3. Have you experienced any stigma because of your mental health?

Yes; when people find out that you have got mental health problems, the minority of the people will say nasty comments which make me feel ashamed and guilty.  

4. Have you had any positive experiences as a results of your mental health? (e.g. meeting new people etc)

Positive experiences have been making new, lasting and positive friendships due to being in hospitals. Also, it has helped me to be a stronger person and given me ideas for a future career.

5. What was your 'lowest' point and how did you overcome it?

I have had a lot of low points but the lowest point was when I first found out that I had mental health problems and got sent to a specialist place miles and miles away from my family and friends.    

6. What have you found most useful in aiding your recovery, and why?

Therapy because it has taught me the skills to cope and manage my mental health problems. Also having the support of close family and friends because it given me the strength and motivation to carry on.         

7. What would be your advice to anyone struggling?

My advice to anyone struggling would be to tell them that they are not alone, talk to someone they trust and get the help they need by going to a professional such as their GP. In an emergency, go straight to A&E because there will be people there such as a social worker that they can talk to. If there is no one that you trust ring a helpline such as the Samartians on 08457 90 90

8. What are your plans for your future?

My plans for the future are to study to become a mental health social worker so I can help other people with mental health problems.

Stacey can be contacted on Facebook.

And Then This Appeared On My Twitter Feed...

 

Are you serious?!

I can totally see how they're trying to get across to women that they might become more vulnerable when they drink alcohol but that, was the wrong way to achieve this.

This, has achieved anger.

Firstly, focussing on the victim in a situation of rape like this, implies the victim is at fault for getting drunk. The SURVIVOR of rape is NEVER to blame. And from personal experience, those who do, will probably manage to find enough reasons to blame themselves without the NHS providing a poster to add to the list.
Since, in rape the attacker is to blame perhaps the poster should focus on them. Should it instead say '90% of CHILDREN who are sexually abused, KNOW the person'? 

I'm not dismissing a rape on a wild night out. I am a firm believer that as long as it isn't wanted, then it's rape. No matter the situation or circumstances.

This is my point: if they wouldn't make a similar poster with the children statistics then it is equally unacceptable to make one about any other type of rape/sexual abuse.

#8 BP Series: The Lyrics That Fit

Christina Aguilera - Fighter

After all that you put me through,
You'd think I'd despise you,
But in the end I wanna thank you,
'Cause you've made me that much stronger

Well I, thought I knew you, thinkin' that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust, called your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were there by my side, always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames 'cause your greed sold me out in shame

After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I'd hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable, I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

[Chorus:]
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I'd realize your game
I heard you're going round, playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies 'cause you're wanting to haunt me
But that won't work anymore, no more,
It's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

[Chorus]

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME

I am a fighter and I
I ain't gonna stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough

[Chorus]

You thought I would forget
But I remembered
'Cause I remembered
I remembered
You thought I would forget
I remembered
'Cause I remembered
I remembered

[Chorus]

would you like to know how many people Mental Health patients have killed?

Because the Sun will tell you!
1,200.
In ten years.
The amount of people killed by the Police (in case you wondered) over the same period was  569. (http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2012/jul/19/deaths-police-custody-data)
Oh and five people A DAY die on Britain's Roads.
But I guess those headlines wouldn't sell papers.
As Rethink pointed out, the number of homicides by people with mental health problems has actually gone down.
The thing that's the most annoying is that apparently, the story inside was quite relevant detailing how those who had committed the murders were "high risk patients" and had been failed by services. That, didn't make the headline though. Funnily enough!
Criticism was raised as the Sun didn't make room for the statistics that those with mental health difficulties were ten times more likely to be hurt than to do the hurting. Alastair Campbell tweeted the point that the constant media linkage by the media of violence and mental illness actually leads to violence against the mentally ill and not by them.
The Sun's Managing Editor defended the paper by stating that called for better communication between agencies. The Director of Time for Change argued that it would the front cover that caused the fuel of the stigma.
It was explained those with a mental health illness are more dangerous to their self than another person and that 95% of homicides aren't committed by those with a mental health disorder.
I think the point is, how can we campaign for stigma to be erased when those with the most influence (the media) are doing things like this? If we all want to achieve this then we need to work together, work alongside on another and act as a team. You never know, we patients might have a bit of knowledge a journalist doesn't. After all, we're the ones living it.