A Q&A WITH ME AS MAID OF HONOUR | THE WEDDING OF TWO OF MY BEST-FRIENDS; THE NEW MR AND MR WILSON!!!

“Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.”

Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

I sort of built this day up a bit on the blog with a previous piece about the pre-wedding party: A TREASURE TROVE BLOG POST: MAID OF HONOUR INSIGHT INTO THE BEST-FRIEND’S PRE-WEDDING WARM-UP!!! | IN COLLABORATION WITH TURTLE BAY NEWCASTLE | I'm NOT Disordered. Then, this blog post was written ahead of time so that I could still publish it on the weekend of the Wedding (it was on Saturday April 18^th) without having to write it then too! But, on writing this, the plan is to likely put this up on the Sunday because the after-party finishes at midnight on Saturday night and I obviously want to add all – or some (depending on how many I take!) – photos and videos etc to the post! And, in case anyone is wondering, I take absolutely no credit for the questions in this piece – it was literally all Chat GPT! I honestly just loved them so much and enjoyed that I purely had to answer them(!)…

FOR MY SOUL CAT RUBY | WISHING MY CAT A VERY HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY!!!

"You feel more like home to me than any place I've ever been."

Angela N. Blount

A POEM FOR MY (ALMOST) STEP-DAD! | HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY BEAR!

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY LITTLE EVIE!!!

“Sometimes, your pet picks you.”

Julie Wenzel

DEAR LUNA, HAPPY THIRD BIRTHDAY

Dear Luna,

I feel like the way a pet comes into your life says so much about the bond and relationship you’re going to have. It’s like a hint or a sign of what’s to come. If you find a pet as a stray or if you adopt them from a shelter or buy them from a store… The difference in a beginning can hold a lot of importance for the journey you’re going to have together. And I believe that our beginning was no different…

AN OPEN LETTER TO RUBY IN THE RUN-UP TO HER FIRST BIRTHDAY!!! | PLUS HER BIRTHDAY WISHLIST!!!

Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating,

And I’m wondering what you’re dreaming,

Wondering if it’s me you’re seeing,

Then I kiss your eyes,

And thank God we’re together,

And I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever.

Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing – Aerosmith

In the almost automatic decision – which didn’t feel like a decision because it felt so predictable and natural(!) – to write a blog post celebrating my kitten’s first Birthday on March 26^th, I toyed between writing it as a little letter and writing a full-on, detailed piece about pets and mental health. In the end, I decided to do both! So, here’s Ruby’s letter and on the 26^th the other post will go up…

MARKING ONE YEAR OF GRACIE WITH A HUGE THANK YOU TO HER

 

“I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything.”

Emery Allen

I’m so incredibly grateful to have Gracie be part of the family for one year today. I feel like every single second she is here; she’s reassured me that I’m wanted, valuable, important, and loved – all the notions I’m often desperate and honoured to experience when my mental health is poorly.

AND THE YEAR 2023 IS COMING TO AN END… | PART TWO

“She remembered who she was, and the game changed.”

Lalah Deliah

*YOU CAN READ PART ONE HERE* 

Pimkie Suede Knee High Boot: £51.00

Embellished Jumper: £40.00

Too Faced Better Than Sex Waterproof Mascara: £13.00

e.l.f Liquid Glitter Eyeshadow: £6.00

Brave Soul Cardigan: £42.00

THE TWO NEW ADDITIONS TO THE FAMILY: GRACIE & RUBY

With my calico rescue cat, Emmy, being put to sleep in October 2022, we started off the year as a family of two with just Luna (my black and white mini-Lionhead lop eared bunny) and I. But when Emmy was put to sleep, I asked the Vet what the best thing would be for Luna and almost without seeming to take the time to think about it, she replied with “get her a friend.” As the weeks went by without Emmy though, I found myself enjoying building a better bond with Luna who had always just spent the majority of her time following Emmy around and had never really been affectionate with me. Without Emmy though, she was now following me around the home (my bunnies are free-roam) and was always stretching up on her back feet to nudge me for a stroke or a cuddle. Then she started taking the cat tunnel in her mouth and running with it in circles; myself and everyone else who either saw when they visited the house or watched my videos of her doing it, laughed and thought it was really cute. But actually; it turned out to have been a form of repetitive behaviour that illustrated boredom and loneliness.

DAY SIX OF BLOGMAS UNBOXED 2023: A CHAT ABOUT SPENDING EQUAL TIME WITH LOVED ONES, SOME PHOTOS, A REEL, & MY PURCHASES FROM MY TWO TRIPS TO WHITLEY BAY’S CHRISTMAS MARKET AT THE SPANISH CITY | IN COLLABORATION WITH PHOENIX COVE

PhoenixCove - Etsy UK

https://www.instagram.com/phoenixcove.co/

https://www.facebook.com/phoenixcove.co

https://www.tiktok.com/@phoenixcove.co

Welcome to Blogmas Unboxed!!

 Last year, I visited the Whitley Bay Christmas Market in their lovely building known as the Spanish City with a best-friend and we had such a good time that we decided to go back this year. Then, in hearing how amazing it was, my Mum wanted to go too so I ended up visiting it on the Saturday (25^th November) with Martin Baker of www.gumonmyshoe.com and then on the Sunday (26^th) I went with my Mum. Doing those two trips has inspired me to chat a bit about the importance and challenges you face in trying to spend equal amounts of time with each of your loved ones. I’ll also be adding some photos from the Markets, telling you about my purchases, and there’ll be an Instagram reel at the end of the post…

DAY TWO OF BLOGMAS UNBOXED 2023: AN ITEM FOR GRACIE’S 1ST CHRISTMAS, A MENTAL HEALTH MYTH-BUSTING CHAT INSPIRED BY RABBIT HALLUCINATIONS, & A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR LUNA | IN COLLABORATION WITH PHOENIX COVE

PhoenixCove - Etsy UK

https://www.instagram.com/phoenixcove.co/

https://www.facebook.com/phoenixcove.co

https://www.tiktok.com/@phoenixcove.co

Welcome to Blogmas Unboxed!!

So, the first piece I’m going to share with you from the wonderful and talented Cleo from Phoenix Cove – a popular Etsy store – is this cute little decoration marking that this Christmas is the first one for one of my mini-Lionhead bunny’s; Gracie. So, inspired by this item, I thought I’d write a little piece about her, and I’ve created a reel of some of my favourite moments and photos of both her, and my other mini-Lionhead; Luna (who I got one of the wooden letters for)…  

DEAR RUBY, | HOW MY KITTEN IS MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE | NATIONAL KITTEN DAY 2023

Dear Ruby,

When I first decided to get another cat after losing my lovely little Calico rescue; Emmy, in October 2022, I explained to absolutely everyone that the largest inspiration for the decision was the fact that my two mini-Lionhead bunnies (Luna and Gracie) are always cuddled up together in another room. I never get to handle them, and they very rarely are even in the same room as me… So, I wanted a companion for myself. I wanted a new little life who would snuggle with me, sleep in my bed, follow me around, and want to play. I wanted to be able to come home and hear a little patter of paws come running towards me with a little ‘meow’ by way of a greeting!

TO ME, FROM ME | VALENTINES GIFT GUIDE & A WISHLIST | HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 2023 | IN COLLABORATION WITH AMAZON UK

In previous Valentines Days on I’m NOT Disordered, I’ve talked about the importance of loving yourself and how trauma can affect that, appreciating your friends, and even being comforted by the love for your pets(!), so I felt as though there wasn’t a whole lot of other angles for this year’s Valentines Day post… I finally decided, however, to collaborate with Amazon UK and put together this little gift guide – with the hope and intention of you using it to focus on buying yourself a little something! – for people with a whole variety of interests, and then there’ll be a Wishlist at the end of all my dream gifts…

EVERYTHING ALL OF YOU MEAN TO ME | I’M NOT DISORDERED’S 10TH BIRTHDAY PARTY

For the third time in my blogging career, I hosted another party to celebrate a milestone I’m NOT Disordered and I have reached (the previous two were for reaching 100,000 readers and then reaching 1,000,000), and I have to admit, I think it was actually my favourite one of them all! With the previous two events being quite large and formal, I wanted to do something more informal and intimate. I mean, at the 100k party, I had 100 guests and a few were merely plus one’s for the people who I did know! And then not many people were able to come to my one million party because of the coronavirus pandemic and subsequent lockdown. So, keeping in mind that nothing ever goes perfectly, I decided to host this party at a local café (Dolly Dimples) for nine of the most important people in my life and it’s that which has inspired this post about how much all of the party attendees, and you (as my readers) mean to me…

DEAR EMMY, PLEASE STAY ALIVE

Dear Emmy,

We had a hard day yesterday, didn’t we? When the Vet said that they need to do a biopsy with the thought that you have the ‘C word’ I felt my legs actually wobble and thought I was literally going to fall to my knees. But I looked at your beautiful eyes and found the strength to keep standing. I had to. For your sake, I had to. Because you deserve a strong Mummy. A brave Mummy who will fight for you. I’d like to think I proved that when the other Vet dismissed your sore; because, despite having always had my pets registered with them, I trusted my own feeling that something was wrong and took you to another. And when they said you needed medication, I was reassured that I’d made the right decision. That – just from instinct – I’d known your best interests.

BUNNY Q&A | LUNA'S ALMOST ONE!!! | IN COLLABORATION WITH AMAZON UK

Love you, I’ll be here

I will never disappear

Said forever, I swear

So I will be there

Tyler Shaw – Love You Still

Luna's Amazon Birthday Wishlist

It's Luna (my bunny)'s 1st Birthday next week, but I wanted to do something special now... So, I thought I’d turn over to you and asked you all to send in your bunny-related questions! I had vowed to answer all of them but having such a big audience now; I maybe shouldn’t have said that! So, I’ve had to pick my favourites – which was so difficult because I honestly loved them all…

Why a rabbit? And what made you pick Luna?

So, when I was little I had two rabbits – Happy and Thumper – and when they had babies myself and my family made the mistake of handling them so the Mum killed them (something which is quite well known in rabbits). This memory led professionals to believe that when I started to hallucinate rabbits years later, that was the influence.

After a lengthy (two and a half years) psychiatric hospital admission and medication, the hallucinations stopped for some time and when they came back in 2017, I was so terrified that if I told someone I’d be put back in hospital; but I knew that I needed to talk about it in order to get help. So, my Mum and I were in Pets At Home, and I had this unexpected and overwhelming idea to hold one of their rabbits. My thought behind it was that perhaps in feeling a very real bunny, in having their fur against my skin and feeling their heartbeat, maybe I’d feel some sort of courage and comfort that would leave me able to get help for the hallucinations return.

A POEM FOR PIXIE | ONE YEAR SINCE I LOST MY BUNNY

So, tomorrow will be one year since my lovely Lionhead, Pixie was put to sleep. I decided to do a collaboration piece that was a bit more fun and light-hearted for the actual anniversary (so you've got that to look forward to tomorrow!) but, I couldn't resist doing something a bit deep too...

ADVICE FOR THE MOTHERS OF CATS | HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!! | IN COLLABORATION WITH CATS PROTECTION

 

I’d like to think that even short-term readers will know by now that I try to keep things original and creative on, I’m NOT Disordered. So rather than do a stereotypical/predictable post about how fantastic my Mum is (which she obviously is!); I thought I’d team up with Cats Protection again and bring you a post about advice I – as a cat Mum – would give to others…

Where does advice come from and why does it matter?

I think that advice can come from a mixture of reasons; it can be about something you failed to do and wish you had, or something you did, and feel was wrong, or something you’ve just learnt along the way… This piece of advice that doing research and bettering your knowledge and understanding of what having a cat will entail, comes from the fact that I definitely didn’t do it and that I wish I had.

At first, I wondered whether the importance I put upon the research before getting a cat was more of a quality of my mental health and thought processes and feelings around that. I mean, I really don’t like the element of surprise with the massive things in my life and I think that really does stem from both the number of times that I was told I wouldn’t be hospitalised and then was, and the general unpredictable nature of my hallucinations and suicidal thoughts. It was like I couldn’t keep up. It was frustrating because how could I possibly win if I wasn’t aware when the war was starting?! I didn’t even stand a chance.

A CHAT ABOUT LOVING YOURSELF, HAVING RELATIONSHIPS AFTER ABUSE, & A GIFT GUIDE | MENTAL HEALTH & VALENTINES DAY

Kind of feel like I’m jumping on a blogging bandwagon because everyone’s started publishing their Valentines content (typically in the form of gift guides). I wanted this post to be a nice balance in recognising that I’m NOT Disordered is primarily a ‘mental health blog,’ whilst also still being able to create a gift guide… So, here’s a chat about the impact mental health can have on Valentines Day and a gift guide with a twist…

Growing up, I was surrounded by love, support, and respect. I was always told how much I meant to my family and how important and appreciated I was. So, I literally had no reason or influence on me holding such opposite thoughts about myself… until the abuse.

When I was fifteen and the abuse began, it was like… Like almost everything I’d ever known had disappeared and what was left had just completely changed to the point where it wasn’t at all recognisable or in any way familiar. All of a sudden, I felt so insignificant; but I guess that was almost bound to be my response when I was being treat so horribly. I mean, it’d take a pretty robust person to go through that sort of abuse and still remain kind and loving to yourself!

I think that the most influential part of the abuse on my thoughts of myself, was the things that my abuser would say whilst he hurt me. I mean, it didn’t start off with a terrible… I don’t know. Just that in the beginning he would say that he actually really liked me and that I was pretty, and whilst what happened was still so completely against my wishes; it kind of meant that I felt I couldn’t report it immediately because his words made me question the degree of wrong-ness of the entire thing! Like, how could I tell the Police, knowing that when they questioned him, he would likely say he cared about me? How could I expect them to see it as a crime when he would say he had ‘innocent’ intentions/motivations?

BUDGET BLOGMAS | DAY FIFTEEN: BUDGET GIFT GUIDE: FAMILY | IN COLLABORATION WITH PRETTY PERFECT PRODUCTS

 Hello and welcome to I’m NOT Disordered’s Budget Blogmas!

I’ve decided to use today to share with you all a little gift guide filled with a range of gifts for all the family members in your life, and for a whole range of budgets! 

Family Tree Photo Frame: £32.99

Kids Vs Parents Game: £14.99

Reindeer Toss Game: £4.99

Man and Woman Aprons: £14.99

Personalised Cushion: £22.95

 

LIVING WITH LUNA | FOUR WEEKS WITH MY NEW BUNNY | INTRODUCING DIFFERENT PETS | IN COLLABORATION WITH CATS PROTECTION | AD

I’m stuck in the dark, but you’re my flashlight

You’re getting me, getting me through the night

Flashlight – Jessie J

This post includes a gifted item from the brand new Cats Protection clothing. You can buy my t-shirt and browse their other items here: https://catsprotectionclothing.com

 

So, I can’t believe I’ve had my little mini Lionhead, lop-eared bunny; Luna for four weeks now! Having her has been like one of those things where it feels like she’s been here forever; just because that’s how well and how quickly she has settled in… 

When my first bunny, Pixie was put to sleep in April this year, I immediately realised I’d need to make the decision as to whether or not to get another bunny. And that might sound awful that I had just lost Pixie and was already thinking about a new rabbit… but it wasn’t about replacing her in any way at all! 

It was about how having Pixie had provided such a helpful grounding technique when I would hallucinate rabbits. So, in her absence; I had the panic and concern that I wouldn’t be able to cope safely if the hallucinations were to come back (they’ve been gone for over a year now after my antipsychotic medication was increased). But, it also wasn’t even just about me and my mental health. It was also about my cat; Emmy and what the best decision would be for her and, to be fair, I initially put her before my own thoughts and feelings on it.