AN AMAZON MENTAL HEALTH CHRISTMAS GIFT GUIDE FOR YOU | IN COLLABORATION WITH AMAZON UK

 “When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.”

Jean Shinoda Bolen

Now, something a bit different to the typical Christmas Gift Guides that are likely all over the blogs you read/follow. I’ve said before, I recognise that I’m NOT Disordered readers don’t come here for Gift Guides and I’m 100% confident that there are Bloggers who do Gift Guides a hell of a lot better than I do! I do, however, also recognise that a Gift Guide like this – items and products which I believe could help your mental health – is so relevant and appropriate for readers and that it could very well prove to actually be helpful for a lot of people! So, I’ve scoured Amazon and have gotten creative with some insight and ideas into the variety of things that people find helpful for their mental health; but I recommend you consider purchasing something from this post for yourself. And know that this isn’t, at all, being selfish; it's about self-care and recognising the importance of your own emotional wellbeing, especially at this time of Year…

DEAR LUNA, | INTRODUCING MY NEW BUNNY!!!

“I want so much for you.”

Callie Torres, Greys Anatomy

Dear Luna,

Being a writer/blogger means that I typically find words fairly easily and so it take a lot for me to feel that I can’t find the right ones to get something across. And telling you how loved, wanted, and appreciated you are, is definitely one of those instances!

For – what felt like – a long time after losing my first bunny (Pixie) I believed I had reached the final decision not to get another rabbit. I thought that I had really considered the consequences and possible results if I were to get one, and I felt that having done so, I could conclude that it wouldn’t be a good idea – that the risks I’d have to take in getting a bunny, overwhelmed any possible benefits.

Obviously, all of that has changed! It’s been as though as time has gone by, the house has become more and more empty. As though that missing piece of the jigsaw – the piece shaped like Pixie – was standing out more and more… like a sore thumb! And sometimes it’s hard to say this sort of thing because I don’t, under any circumstances, want it to look as though having Emmy isn’t ‘enough.’ As though she isn’t a good enough part of the home to the point that I would want another pet! Well, that’s not true. Emmy is most definitely a loved, wanted, and appreciated little one, so it’s not a question about that. The thing is about wanting to have a bunny… 

MY 30TH BIRTHDAY AMAZON WISHLIST

SHOP MY WISHLIST

DESIGNING A LINE FOR BANDANA BOWTIQUE & FAVOURITE PHOTOS | CELEBRATING MY CAT’S TWO YEAR ADOPTAVERSARY | AD

*this post is in partnership with Bandana Bowtique*

Just over two years ago my fluffy Maine Coon cat; Dolly, was put to sleep and my lop-eared, Lionhead bunny; Pixie, and I quickly realised that we needed a third member for our family to feel whole. Losing Dolly definitely bonded Pixie because I felt that she was the only one to really understand what it meant to go through that loss. But Pixie was missing having a friend, she would follow me everywhere and was constantly wanting cuddles. And I missed having a cat in my life because I’d had at least one for over ten years (there’d been a family cat while I was living with my Mum)!

So, within a week of losing Dolly, I began looking for a new addition to the family and my Mum came across Emmy (known as Jennifer at the Adoption Centre) on Facebook! Seeing her photo, I had the exact same instinct I’d had with Dolly in that I was absolutely certain that she was meant to be a part of our family. And seeing her very unique markings, I felt a sort of kinship to her because I’ve always felt that my mental health and experiences have made me different and have left me feeling very aware of that. So I felt some sort of empathy for Emmy and immediately decided to visit Willows Cat Adoption Centre… here’s a video of our first meeting:

TWENTY-NINE HIGHLIGHTS FOR MY TWENTY-NINETH BIRTHDAY!!

To go from having mental health professionals predict that you won’t make it to your nineteenth Birthday; to turning twenty-nine, is a bit of a shock to the system, so excuse me while I take a deep breath before I start this post!

This is one particular time of the year where I’m really thankful for I’m NOT Disordered because it’s meant that I’ve got a record of each of my Birthdays for the last seven years: 


When I turned Twenty-Eight last year, I talked about the 28 things I was looking forward to. For turning Twenty-Seven, I blogged  27 things I was thankful for. For my Twenty-Sixth, I wrote about the things my Birthday had made me think about. When I turned Twenty-Five, I talked about the 25 reasons why I was glad I had made it to that age. On turning Twenty-Four, I blogged about the 24 lessons I had learnt over the years. Turning Twenty-Three in 2014 I wrote about what I’d done to celebrate the day. Then, for my first Birthday on I’m  NOT  Disordered, when I turned Twenty-Two, I talked about how it felt spending my Birthday in a psychiatric hospital over 100 miles away from home. 


This year, for me, is a lot about reflection and appreciating how far I’ve come in my life and particularly with my mental health. So, I thought I’d go through each post and pick out 4 highlights from each and talk about them a bit more below (and number 29 will be something special)…

BEHIND THE SCENES: CHRISTMAS ON A PSYCHIATRIC WARD

Even with the startling statistic that one in four people in the UK will experience mental ill health at some point in their lives, the chance that someone will be in a psychiatric hospital at Christmas, is minimal and I’d like to think that my blog is largely about providing insight into aspects of mental health that lots of people might not really comprehend. I hope that in doing so, it will help people to be a lot more understanding for those of us who do have these experiences. So, I thought it might be interesting to give readers an insight into what it’s actually like to spend Christmastime in a psychiatric hospital…

For new readers and to give a bit of background… 


Two years after being abused from 2006 until 2007, I began hallucinating and within ten days I became suicidal and took an overdose. I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and spent the following three years in and out of hospitals – both medical and psychiatric. Finally, a Psychiatrist recommended that I be admitted to a long-term, specialist hospital and I began undergoing assessments with some such hospitals. The first two hospitals weren’t secure and wouldn’t accept my flight risk but when I heard that the third operated on timetabled day with intensive therapy, I refused to go. Then, in July 2012, I attempted suicide again and refused to have the lifesaving antidote to the overdose I’d taken so I was detained under the Mental Capacity Act and sedated to be put on life support for the duration of the treatment. When I woke up, the first thing I was told was that I’d be going to the psychiatric hospital I’d refused to go to, over 100 miles from home.

When I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act (1983) within twenty-four hours of being in the hospital, I realized that there was little chance of me being discharged before Christmas. Then, in November 2012, when I was recovering from an overdose I’d taken after going AWOL, I realized that there was equally as little chance of me managing to kill myself before Christmas too. So, I began preparing for my first Christmas away from home.

“I DON’T KNOW IF ‘PROUD’ IS THE RIGHT WORD” | FOUR WAYS TO COPE WITH A HOSPITAL ADMISSION

Last weekend I began hallucinating again and – at their command – I took an overdose. I was in Hospital for over twenty-four hours and the only drama was caused by my veins; and a conversation with the Psychiatric Liaison Team about it, left me inspired to write this post!


As the overdose had been in response to the voices and not a suicide attempt, I took myself to A&E and agreed to have the lengthy antidote treatment known as Parvolex. Ironically, when I actually want the treatment and co-operate, my veins collapse and become generally useless so that it can’t be administered! The Doctors had many attempts and even called an Anesthetist with the ultrasound machine to try to insert the cannula, but they had no success, so my blood test was repeated. It was at this point that my co-operation was tested, and the Doctor made a comment “the tests will be ok unless you’ve actually taken as many as you say you have.” In the past, I’d have taken great offence by interpreting this as him basically calling me a liar! I’d have refused blood tests and treatment and left the Hospital – probably against medical advice and possible chased by security! Instead, I took the attitude that I’d let them do the blood tests and once he saw the results, they would prove I wasn’t lying. And that, would be much more gratifying!


After proving I hadn’t lied, I had to see the Psychiatric Liaison Team before I could go home and I told them that I wasn’t sure if ‘pride’ was the right word for it but that I was glad there hadn’t been any of the usual drama of me running away or refusing treatment. They told me that I could say I was proud of myself for it and that it shows that even though I was there for overdosing, I had come a long way over the years and could still be counted as being in recovery. But I don’t think the peaceful admission was due to my mental state; I think some of it came because of the things I’ve learnt that help me during a hospital admission.

FOUR BEGINNINGS FOR FOUR YEARS IN MY FOREVER HOME

1.     Emmy

I guess that since Emmy is the most recent addition to the household it’s only fair that I talk about her first! I’ve talked a lot (here and here) about the cat I got when I moved in (Dolly) and how she recently passed away and the house was so… quiet without her. I don’t know if quiet’s the right word… When I use it, I don’t mind physically quiet; it’s not that Dolly used to meow a lot! More that there’s quiet from the loss of her presence. As much as I loved Dolly and recognized that getting her was a huge achievement and testament to my recovery, I don’t think I realized just how big a part of the home she was. When I’d go out or to events, I’d think about getting back home and looking back, I realize that it wasn’t so that I could be around my own things again; it was to be with my pets again! Getting Emmy has been a huge milestone in my recovery and my time in this house because for almost four years, Dolly was a part of that house. But it’s brilliant to get a whole new start again with Emmy and to see her learn – and teach her - new things, watch her explore the house (and ALL of its surfaces), find out her likes and dislikes and see her personality grow.

 

A FORTNIGHT WITH EMMY

Every day you’re here,

I’m healing

-       Clean Bandit: Symphony

I’ve found that a lot of I’m NOT Disordered readers don’t follow me on Twitter or Instagrarm (my Facebook is private) so not everyone has seen my many photos of Emmy since I wrote my post when I got her two weeks ago today: http://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2018/10/readers-meet-emmy-wilson-willows-cat.html

Since October 15^th I haven’t had any thoughts to self-harm or heard any auditory hallucinations, so I feel like I’ve really been able to enjoy Emmy’s first few weeks here. I’ve actually been able to spend as much time with her as possible.

24HRS WITH... MY AUNT: ANGELA WILSON

24 hours with... ANGELA WILSON – HR/CONTRACTS MANAGER

Date: 08/10/18

Why have you chosen to write about today? Why Not LOL

Good morning! 


What time did you wake up?

I was woken up at 3.00am by my Husband, then again at 5.45 am 


Why did you wake up at that time?

Alarm 

24HRS WITH... CHIEF INSPECTOR STEVE HAILS | NORTHUMBRIA POLICE

.

24 hours with... Chief Inspector Steve Hails, Northumbria Police

Date: Monday 30th July 2018

Why have you chosen to write about today? Today is my first day back to work following a week on leave.

Good morning!

What time did you wake up? 

05:00

Why did you wake up at that time? 

I always wake up early but at the moment seem to be waking up earlier.  

24HRS WITH... AUTHOR, CHARLOTTE UNDERWOOD

https://twitter.com/CUnderwoodUK

Good morning!



What time did you wake up?

About 6:45am… I think! But then I never know the answer to this because my brain, first thing in the morning, feels very inebriated, despite being stone cold sober


Why did you wake up at that time?

I have no idea, my body’s been really into waking me up at stupid o’clock recently, long days are the worst but at least I can say goodbye to my husband before he starts work!

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK 2018 WITH I'M NOT DISORDERED | POST FOUR | HOW DO YOU COPE WITH STRESS?

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/mental-health-awareness-week

How do you cope with stress?

@loydall_stefan

I manage stress by going for walks around places I have never been so it occupies my mind when I get a little lost

@RichSpecials

I manage stress by talking to my family who are able to give me advice & a different view on things








anonymous
I confide in friends

WEEK EIGHT | 52 LISTS FOR HAPPINESS | OLIVER BONAS | AD

You can buy this book here

Every week, for 2018 there will be post of what I’ve done in the book each week. And the eighth list?

List the things you like to do that don't involve technology:

27 THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR | MY TWENTY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY!!

1.     My Mum

      2.     R

3.     Dolly

4.     Pixie

WEEK FOUR | 52 LISTS FOR HAPPINESS | OLIVER BONAS | AD

You can buy this book here

Every week, for 2018 there will be post of what I’ve done in the book each week. And the fourth list?

List the things that get you out of your head:

WEEK THREE | 52 LISTS FOR HAPPINESS | OLIVER BONAS | AD

You can buy this book here

Every week, for 2018 there will be post of what I’ve done in the book each week. And the third list?

List the things that you are really good at:

HOW TO AVOID DRAMA: FAMILY, WORK, HEALTH, RELATIONSHIPS & FRIENDS

Photography - R J Photography

drama

ˈdrɑːmə/

noun

noun: drama; plural noun: dramas

1. a play for theatre, radio, or television.

"a gritty urban drama about growing up in Harlem"

2. an exciting, emotional, or unexpected event or circumstance.

"a hostage drama"

It’s an understatement to say that while I was being abused, my behaviour changed dramatically - I think it’s an obvious one though… Keeping abuse a secret can cause a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings; a lot of pent up anger and frustration.

For me, I was angry that no one could see what was going on. How could no one see beyond my actions? My behaviour? It was labelled ‘dramatic.’ I, was labelled a ‘drama queen.’ Since then if anyone has called me that in jest or in banter then I’ve thought straight back to that bullying in High School while I was abused. Back to when I took my anger out on the teachers who were meant to have the authority to stop this sort of thing. On everyone in the one place that is meant to be safe for children and young people.

WEEK ONE | 52 LISTS FOR HAPPINESS | OLIVER BONAS | AD

A little while ago I was wandering around Oliver Bonas in their Euston store in London and came across this little beauty…

You can buy this book here

Every week, for 2018 there will be post of what I’ve done in the book each week. And the first list?

What makes me happy right now:

A LAST MINUTE CHRISTMAS Q&A | 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS WITH I’M NOT DISORDERED

SURPRISE!
I had one more Christmassy Q&A completed and I couldn't resist letting you guys see it before the New Year!
So here it is... courtesy of Claire Andre, Police Liaison Lead for Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust:

1. When do you start getting excited for Christmas Day?