EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ABUSE | PART ONE OF THREE

Having thoroughly enjoyed writing the ‘everything-you-need-to-know’ style posts in the past, when I checked through previous posts about abuse, I noticed they all seem to be in pieces… Bits of information, parts of my experience, a few tips; all just separated into so many different posts. Of course, they are that way because up to the date they were published, they were the things I knew. The things that had happened. And I’m not suggesting that I’m at a point where I now know absolutely everything about the subject, but I do feel that I’m at a pretty good stage in my mental health recovery to feel I am now able to collate all that I have learnt, and all that I know. Unfortunately, abuse is a subject where I’d argue you will never fully understand unless it’s something you’ve experienced, so posts like this – media content by survivors – can be the best resource for those who want to learn more…

 

Why You Can Experience the Grieving Process:

I began writing each of the feelings I experienced during and after the abuse I experienced when I was fifteen, and things began to seem familiar in some way. I realised that I was describing four of the five stages of grief determined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. I actually thought immediately why that process would be linked with abuse, because it’s about – and can be applied to – any type of loss, not necessarily a death. And I definitely lost a lot going through the abuse…

Even aged fifteen, I was very naïve and having had very little sexual education, I had no real knowledge about what was happening to me. I think it’d be fair to say that I didn’t even realise people like my abuser existed. Rape and sexual abuse (the type I experienced) were so taboo back then (2006) too, so I had never heard of someone else experiencing anything even remotely similar to what I was going through. All those factors meant that one thing I lost in the abuse was that naivety. I do sometimes consider that might have been a good thing because perhaps at that age, I should have probably been more aware of the existence of abuse. There’s something to be said about balance though, recognizing that children and young people, deserve some sort of naivety so that they’re able to fully enjoy their childhood and the simple notion of being young.

THE FIVE MOST OVERUSED MENTAL HEALTH WORDS

So, a little something happened on my recent trip to London for the RichmondFellowship ENRICH Awards 2019… I was in the bathroom on the train when a faulty cabinet cracked me on the head (the LNER staff were incredible and dealt with the whole thing amazingly)! Still suffering from headaches almost two weeks later, I decided to ring my GP but whilst waiting for the return call, I checked with a Pharmacist if I was doing the right thing in ringing the Doctor. I explained that I was worried because when I’d called, the Receptionist had said that I could only get a phone call returned if it was urgent and I thought it urgent so I told them that it was; but whilst waiting for the GP to ring, I was worried they’d think ‘why has this girl wasted our time? Why does she think this is urgent?! It’s nothing!’ I told my Richmond Fellowship support worker that I think it’s all about the fact that ‘urgent’ doesn’t really have a concrete definition. I mean, it might be in the dictionary, but everyone has their own different spin on it. Everyone rates things on a different scale of urgent-ness! It’s like ‘emergency.’ But it’s all based on an individual’s experiences; if you’ve ever had a broken leg, you might think that the pain was so unbearable you wanted immediate help. You might have seen a relative die and believe you don’t call an Ambulance unless you are… dying, I mean.

HOW IT REALLY FEELS TO BE SUICIDAL

So, I began writing this post and things became a little familiar, so I went back through recent posts and lo behold there was one on suicide from less than two months ago! I debated doing another but decided that since the previous one was so popular and that I’ll be writing this one with different/new content and in a different format, maybe I can get away with it…?!

After having consulted on Richmond Fellowship’s Social Media Guidelines, I was recently asked to look at the Suicide Prevention Policy to provide comments on the different aspects of it. In completing the feedback form, I realized that it must be difficult for organizations to devise such policies when the chances are that the majority of staff developing these actually don’t have any experience in what they’re trying to prevent. And I guess that’s why Richmond Fellowship consult with Service Users – they recognize that we can provide an insight into such a difficult topic that could better their care of others. Thinking up signs that a person is feeling suicidal, has the potential to save the life of someone exhibiting those signs who staff might have previously ‘overlooked.’ And sometimes there are signs that only someone who has experienced feelings of suicide can point out.

TW: A DISCUSSION ABOUT SUICIDE | FROM THE WARNING SIGNS TO THE STIGMA

A little while ago I got a phone call on the train telling me that someone, I’d worked with at a few events had just committed suicide. There’s no easy way to say it, is there? Suicide. You can’t really sugar coat it with ‘we lost him’ or ‘he passed away.’ It’s almost as though the act of committing suicide is so… honest(?) - it’s such a stark reminder of the darkness and unhappiness that can lurk in the people we love and care for - that it deserves to be spoken about as equally honest. Though there is controversy and… discussion(!) around the term ‘commit suicide’ with some feeling that it insinuates the person has committed a criminal offence. *Personally, I believe that ‘commit’ is purely referring to the action of it as opposed to it having any legal definition but out of respect for others, I’ll be avoiding using the phrase in this post*

MENTAL HEALTH IN 5 DISNEY QUOTES

1.     “Now we just have to survive this blizzard” – Frozen

Sadness and suicidal thoughts are cold. They make you cold towards others because your insides are so overwhelmingly freezing that you can’t help but let them spill over when you’re interacting with other people. It doesn’t matter who those people are. When your insides are so cold that you’re in an internal, permanent blizzard; you don’t care – no! It’s not that you don’t care… there’s no choice about whether to care or not. It’s not like you’ve decided not to! It’s more about it not being there at all. That warmth is gone and some days all you can do is breathe. Survive.

HOW MY DOGS HAVE HELPED WITH MY MENTAL HEALTH BY CHLOE WINTLE | GUEST POST

I first began experiencing anxiety and depression in my late teens following a string of bad relationships, some emotionally abusive and one physically violent, and then a major emotional trauma at 18.

While at first it would come and go, anxiety and depression eventually became a constant presence in my life. It was like a cough that eventually starts to get better, only to come back worse than before. Only unlike a cough, where usually I am still able to function, anxiety and depression hits like a ton of bricks and even the idea of getting out of bed seems to be a goal that gets to be less and less attainable.

As time passed, more and more of my days started to be spent paralyzed by endless thoughts of regrets of the past and worries for the future and that was when I knew I needed to seek professional advice.