Kind of feel
like I’m jumping on a blogging bandwagon because everyone’s started publishing
their Valentines content (typically in the form of gift guides). I wanted this
post to be a nice balance in recognising that I’m NOT Disordered is primarily a
‘mental health blog,’ whilst also still being able to create a gift guide… So,
here’s a chat about the impact mental health can have on Valentines Day and a gift
guide with a twist…
Growing up, I was surrounded by love, support, and respect. I was always
told how much I meant to my family and how important and appreciated I was. So,
I literally had no reason or influence on me holding such opposite thoughts
about myself… until the abuse.
When I was fifteen and the abuse began, it was like… Like almost everything
I’d ever known had disappeared and what was left had just completely changed to
the point where it wasn’t at all recognisable or in any way familiar. All of a sudden,
I felt so insignificant; but I guess that was almost bound to be my response when
I was being treat so horribly. I mean, it’d take a pretty robust person to go
through that sort of abuse and still remain kind and loving to yourself!
I think that the most influential part of the abuse on my thoughts
of myself, was the things that my abuser would say whilst he hurt me. I mean,
it didn’t start off with a terrible… I don’t know. Just that in the beginning
he would say that he actually really liked me and that I was pretty, and whilst
what happened was still so completely against my wishes; it kind of meant that
I felt I couldn’t report it immediately because his words made me question the
degree of wrong-ness of the entire thing! Like, how could I tell the Police, knowing
that when they questioned him, he would likely say he cared about me? How could
I expect them to see it as a crime when he would say he had ‘innocent’ intentions/motivations?
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