HOW IT ACTUALLY FEELS TO BE IN THE MEDIA AS AN INFLUENCER & SUICIDE SURVIVOR | FEATURING IN THE COMING TOGETHER NEWSLETTER!!! | IN COLLABORATION WITH WAYTHROUGH

“Nobody counts the number of ads you run; they just remember the impression you make.”

William Bernbach

SUBSCRIBE TO THE WAYTHROUGH NEWSLETTER!!

A couple of months ago, I’m NOT Disordered reached the milestone of having 2.5 million readers and as a result of this, I put together a press release (I blogged about my advice on writing one of these, back in 2021 and you can read it here) and circulated it around my local and national news outlets. It’s resulted in a few features and the most recent, will be in the November issue (released November 28^th) of Waythrough’s newsletter: Coming Together and on speaking with the Communications and Marketing team, I had the idea to create this blog post promoting the newsletter because it’s actually not necessarily internal, anyone can subscribe (just click the link above or here!). In publicising it and having had numerous other appearances in the media, I thought I’d discuss how it feels to do this sort of work in the hope that it provides insight, and that budding Influencers or Bloggers feel more prepared in being offered or seeking publicity for their content creation…

AN INTERVIEW WITH ME BY CHAT GPT

“There’s no shame in having to fight every day because if you’re still alive to hear these words or read this interview, then you are winning your war. You’re here.”

Jared Padalecki

A while ago, I eventually began using AI – mostly in the form of Chat GPT – and I’ve finally decided to do something I’ve seen a lot of Bloggers and Influencers do since AI became a thing; give it a prompt to set me some questions as an interview. In the prompt, I asked it to pick out questions related to blogging, having a large audience, and my mental health, so here are some of my favourite questions; answered…

THANK YOU FOR 2 MILLION!!! | HERE’S THE LARGEST REASON FOR I’M NOT DISORDERED’S POPULARITY & ALL MY SECRETS BEHIND IT!

I came to win, to fight

To conquer, to thrive

I came to win, to survive

To prosper, to rise

To fly

Nicki Minaj ft. Rihanna – Fly

If ever there was a time for a stereotypical beginning, it’s here(!) – because I literally and honestly cannot believe that I’m writing this! My little mental health blog has over two million readers?! Like, what?!! Where did that come from? It’s the strangest thing; that I’ve very obviously known it was coming – I mean, you know I like to celebrate my reader milestones; so, it’s obvious I keep an eye on my blog’s statistics… But it still feels like it just caught me by surprise and stole the ground out from under me! It’s like when you’re about to get an injection and you know it’s coming but you still get a shock… Except, much less painful! So, to celebrate this enormous milestone, I’ve created this blog post – and a reel over on my Instagram (@aimes_wilson) – revealing all my stories and tips around the largest reason for I’m NOT Disordered’s popularity: publicity…

TWO BLOGGING MOTTOS TO BLOG BY

Looking for a quote for this blog post was kind of fun, but also really inspiring because a lot of quotes about giving advice were centred around the fact that you shouldn’t be disheartened if no one takes it. A few also said to be careful because you’re basically inserting yourself into having responsibility for someone’s decisions and the outcome of them. Another said to only give advice that you’ve been asked for, so I thought it might be important to mention that I literally get about 10 – 20 emails and DMs on social media per day from Bloggers solely looking for advice on blogging and nothing around mental health and the other difficult subjects I’m NOT Disordered has content regarding. So, rest-assured I’m not just being all righteous and big-headed in assuming people will want to hear my tips. However, one thing I want to make really clear is, these ‘tips’ and ‘advice’ really only come from my own experience and they’re things which I believe have helped me and I’m NOT Disordered reach 1.4 million readers (you can read the blog post about that here), so please don’t feel disheartened if something doesn’t seem right for you and your blog because it might even be about taking something and adapting it or editing it to suit your blogging career…

BUDGET BLOGMAS | DAY TWO: WHY MONEY IS SO IMPORTANT IN BLOGGING & SOME ADVICE ON IT | IN COLLABORATION WITH PRETTY PERFECT PRODUCTS | AD

Hello and welcome to I’m NOT Disordered’s Budget Blogmas!

I thought that after the introductory post yesterday I should start off the real content with a bit of a typical and perhaps predictable piece about money and why it’s important enough to be a theme for an entire series of Blogmas…

I think it’d be really plain for me to sit here and talk about how I was raised around money and budgeting. To tell you that whilst I don’t remember ever wanting or being deprived of anything; I also wasn’t spoilt and never revelled in pocket money or being given gifts when it wasn’t even a special occasion! It meant that I was taught to respect and appreciate money and was always so aware (whilst not being made to feel ungrateful or indebted) that not everyone had the same abilities where money and budgeting was concerned. 

Like I said, that’s the plain side of this; now for a different look at the same issue…

When I first created, I’m NOT Disordered in 2013, blogging wasn’t really a ‘thing’ especially on a mental health theme. At the time, I knew of three well-known mental health blogs and none of them were written by a psychiatric hospital inpatient (as I was then). Whilst this was mostly beneficial because it meant that I had instantly found a niche for my blog and that has probably contributed to its popularity, it was also kind of scary. I felt like there was no one’s footsteps to follow in. No one to guide the way. No one to give me the heads up on the challenges I might face in blogging.

THE REALITY OF INEQUALITY IN BLOGGING | WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY 2021

You swore and said we are not

We are not shining stars

This I know, I never said we are

Fun – Carry On

With this year’s theme for World Mental Health Day being ‘mental health in an unequal world’ I’ve toyed with a number of ideas for creating a blog post with it in mind. No matter which angle I attempted to write from though, I found myself always talking about the inequality I’ve experienced in the blogging world. Whilst I realise this might seem completely different, superficial, and irrelevant to mental health, my blog has had an enormous impact on my mental health…

When I first created I’m NOT Disordered in 2013, I’d only heard of three mental health blogs: one was by a psychiatric nurse, another by an ex-service user, and one from a Police Officer with a keen interest in mental health law. 

This lack of mental health themed content, firstly meant a distinct absence of inequality because there was no real competition. I don’t really like to use the word ‘competition’ because I don’t agree with the feature of it in the blogging world, but the post is titled ‘the reality’ and competitiveness is definitely real in the industry!

To me, bloggers should be supportive of one another rather than competitive and determined to ‘one up’ someone else. And I believe they definitely shouldn’t be blogging purely to compete with another blogger. To me, that says they’re in this for all the wrong reasons – similarly to when someone creates a blog with the expectation and only drive being that they might receive freebies! Having bloggers like that out there, actually ends up setting a poor example for the rest of us who are in it for the more meaningful gains e.g. psychological or emotional benefits, or sheer enjoyment.  

EVERYTHING THE POLICE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH

I realize that in aiming this post at a particular group of people, it might dissuade others from reading it as they may feel it’s not relevant to them, but I think that it’s important I produce content tailored to the various people who read I’m NOT Disordered. I mean, there are plenty posts aimed at other Service Users, so why not for another group of my readers?


I recently received a message from a friend telling me that she’d just had a bad experience with the Police during a mental health crisis and that she’d heard of someone else having one too and that became the inspiration for this post. Of course, I’ve had a fair share of my own experiences and interactions with the Police around mental health…


The first involvement I ever had with Northumbria Police was in 2009 when I ran away from the medical hospital that I was a patient of after having attempted suicide for the very first time. To be fair, as unexperienced as I was with the whole process and the Police’s powers where mental health was concerned, the Nurse in hospital did warn me that if I ran, they would call them. I guess I partly didn’t believe her, and also thought that even if she did ring them, I would be long gone by the time they responded. I remember not having a clue where I was going when I left the hospital and ended up walking into the nearest town centre where I spotted a Police car parked on the high street. 

A GUIDE TO THE AFTERMATH OF ABUSE

“Don't judge yourself by what others did to you.”
C. Kennedy, Ómorphi

I struggled with the title for this post; I didn’t want to make it sound as though there’s some sort of structure or prediction to the aftermath of abuse. You could have two people go through the same type of abuse e.g. sexual, emotional, physical etc. yet their actual experiences and the impact they have is completely different. Some people don’t understand this and so I once had a Healthcare Assistant in a medical hospital say to me ‘being abused is no excuse; I was abused, and I don’t self-harm or have mental health problems!’ I hope that this post doesn’t leave anyone feeling the way that comment left me feeling – alone and as though I must be weaker. I think that my intention for this post is not only to aim it at those who have gone through abuse and encourage them to recognize that they aren’t alone; but also, to provide insight for those supporting someone or caring for someone who has been. I also just wanted to say that I did a poll on Twitter about whether to split this lengthy post into numerous ones or to post the entire content and the vote favored all at once; so, here you go:

So, I talk about the ‘aftermath’… I once had someone ask me when the abuse had ended, and I struggled to answer. I could tell you the exact date that the physical side of the abuse stopped (April 20^th, 2007) but for me, I sometimes wonder if it ever will fully ‘end.’ I guess it depends on what your definition of ‘end’ is and whether you’d consider the impact the abuse has had to be a continuation of it or just the result of it and a whole new chapter. So, for the purposes of this post, when I speak about the ‘aftermath’ it’s any time from the first instance of abuse – even where the abuse physically continues.

I think that the first thing to talk about is the emotions, thoughts, and feelings that someone experiences after abuse.

FOUR WAYS TO COPE WHEN THE PROFESSIONALS DON’T BELIEVE YOU

I wrote a post recently about the power of words; which was inspired by the recent battle I’ve had with two Psychiatrists who have accused me of ‘feigning’ the hallucinations I experience. When I was talking to my Mum about it, she told me to remember that the most important people believe me and not to let what was said deter me from talking when I struggle. I told her that I wouldn’t let it; and that instead, I’d use it as inspiration for a blog post to try and ensure that others don’t let similar attitudes and comments impact them in the hugely negative and detrimental way that they have the potential to.


Mental health will likely always be surrounded by stigma but even if one day it is not, people who speak up and talk openly about their mental health problems will always be brave and courageous. This makes it so important and essential that when someone comes forward about their struggles they are met with a positive, supportive, and empathetic response. To be accused of lying or ‘making up’ their experiences can be incredibly debilitating and promote the idea that services aren’t the source of support that they should be. This can leave you feeling alone, and you might find yourself desperately searching for coping strategies to deal with the professionals’ disbelief. I hope that this post can help people avoid resorting to negative, unsafe coping mechanisms…

WHY I SPEAK UP ABOUT RAPE AND ABUSE

I wanna sing, I wanna shout.
I wanna scream till the words dry out.
So put it in all of the papers, I'm not afraid.
They can read all about it, read all about it, oh.

Nothing to hide
Stife and I smother
Suffered and cried
Strife made me tougher

Emeli Sande – Read All About It

I hope that there are some people out there who’ll read that title and say; ‘why shouldn’t she speak up?’ but I’m more confident that there’s people saying ‘yes, why the hell do you talk about it?!’

When the abuse started in 2006, I couldn’t – for one second – imagine telling over half a million people about it; I couldn’t imagine even telling one person! In the very early days, I didn’t even recognize that what he was doing was wrong; I only knew that it felt wrong and the absence of sex education and media stories about abuse and rape, meant that I didn’t even know what it was called. I hadn’t heard those words before; I didn’t know what they meant. I didn’t know that what he was doing to me had a name and because of that, I didn’t know that I wasn’t the only person in the world being hurt in this way. Of course, all of these things would have changed if I’d just taken the chance and spoke up. 

His promises that no one would believe me and my own worry that if people did believe me, they would think I’d deserved it, made me completely reluctant to tell anyone what was happening though. I was already having suicidal thoughts about jumping from a building or overdosing and I knew that if I told someone and one of those possibilities happened then it would be enough to just tip me over the edge and solidify my belief that dying would be the only escape from the abuse. I’d lost all sight of how telling someone could do any positive or good at all. I couldn’t imagine anyone believing me and so I couldn’t imagine anyone being able to make it stop.

BULLYING: MY EXPERIENCE, ADVICE & MESSAGES TO THE BULLIES

So, I went to my neighbour’s house yesterday and her daughter told me she had a headache, when I asked why the reply was a little more than I’d assumed it’d be. She told me she’d been on the phone all afternoon with her daughter’s (my neighbour’s granddaughter) school after finding out a boy was bullying her. Her daughter told me that the boy was spreading rumors about her and turning all of her friends against her, to the point where they shouted at her that day at lunch time. It brought back a ton of memories of when I was bullied at High School and then I began to worry… All of those stories you see and hear in the media about young people committing suicide after being bullied at School. That fueled my anger that it was now happening to a young person I cared about, and this; was the inspiration for this blog post.

FILMING 'HOPE' WITH THE NHS | IN COLLABORATION WITH NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | AD

I was honoured to be asked to film with NTW for their film about 'hope.'

Both versions of the films can be viewed at www.ntw.nhs.uk/hope

It is generally accepted that hope plays a crucial part in recovery from mental illness. The film came from Peer Support Workers looking at how we connect with people at a time when we feel that we have lost hope. Something Peer Support workers do on a day to day basis. We wanted to explore how we help people see that others have been through similar experiences and felt hopeless, however have found a way back. It is hoped, this film will be a powerful tool to anyone in finding hope, whether that be as a person experiencing mental ill health themselves, or a person’s friend or family member. 

MY TOP TIPS FOR TWENTY SCENARIOS IN MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY

I learnt the hard way that mental health recovery isn’t linear. It isn’t about suddenly not self-harming, not wanting to die any more… I hope that my blog has shown this so that it doesn’t give people a misunderstanding in the way that I had. So as well as making this point, I wanted my blog to also support others as they learn this too…

1.    Feeling like you’ll never stop crying?

It has to. It has to stop eventually. But crying doesn’t have to be a bad thing – it doesn’t make you weak. You can view crying as a relief. It can almost be cathartic and therapeutic to allow the pent-up emotions, thoughts, and feelings leave your body in a – physically – painless way.

2.    Desperate for a distraction?

Be creative about this. A distraction doesn’t have to be the usual ones that mental health professionals ferociously advertise and recommend; like watching TV or reading a book. It can be cooking your favourite meal or going for a walk, completing a wordsearch, playing an online game, or de-cluttering your shelves.

3.    Angry?

Anger doesn’t have to be a negative emotion. It’s all about how you manage it. Does it mean you’re unsafe? Does it mean you push people away? Or can it just be a natural response to a particular situation? Can it be an anger that anyone would feel? Can you cope with it in a healthy, and safe way? There’s the age-old advice of screaming into or hitting a pillow but there’s so many more productive things you can do too! Like throwing yourself into your work, education, or hobby. Letting go of anger can be one of the most powerful actions.

TWELVE THOUGHTS FOR TWELVE YEARS SINCE THE ABUSE ‘ENDED’

When I say ‘ended’, I mean that the physical side of the abuse finished because it’s so important to recognize that there never really is an end to abuse. I don’t say this in a hopeless way; but more as an acknowledgement that the memories, the thoughts, the feelings; they don’t just ‘end.’ 
Note: why am I not posting this on the actual anniversary? Because I'll be too busy having fun with my best-friend! 

1.        I’ll never forget the day I really first reported it

This is something that you may think I’ve spoken about but actually, I’ve only ever talked about my reporting the abuse to professionals and the Police. The reason I haven’t been able to talk about the first reporting is that it’s been hard to find a way to see it in a way that doesn’t reveal who my abuser was because - for legal reasons - I can’t do that. So basically, the first time I ever told someone what was happening to me happened after a huge argument with my abuser and something in me snapped and I thought ‘this is never going to end if I don’t do something about it.’ So, I told my abuser’s ‘boss.’ I was called a manipulative liar and it, obviously, left me completely convinced that I could never tell another person. 

2.       I can still feel unconditional love

I always thought, going through what I had, and dealing with it by dissociating, meant that I’d always stay cut off from the world. I – and others – put a lot of trust in my abuser and I actually relied on him at some point before it began so I worried that I’d never trust in another person again. That I’d never feel another feeling towards someone because I’d be forever scared that someone would destroy me the way that he had. It did take a long time to get to where I am today in terms of relationships but going into recovery helped me to appreciate all of the people who had been there for me through the hard days and in stabilizing my mental health, I’ve learnt how to build stable and healthy relationships.

ENRICH AWARDS | PRE-EVENT PROMO | THREE LESSONS RICHMOND FELLOWSHIP HAVE TAUGHT ME

It's officially one sleep until the Richmond Fellowship ENRICH Awards!! 

To celebrate, I decided to write a quick post about the three lessons the organization have taught me...

After my two and a half years in Cygnet Bierley, I was transferred to a ‘rehab’ ward at my local psychiatric hospital so as to gently get used to the idea of not having staff around me 24/7. I think that all my concentration was so focused on adapting to the changes that I remember very little from my time there. Which means I can’t remember when I first met with Richmond Fellowship, but it was in 2014 so I’ve been with them for five years now!


I’d like to dedicate this post to my most recent support worker (who now has a new job!); Georgie, who has become one of my greatest friends. Oh! And a special thank you to the Richmond Fellowship Tyneside Team Manager; Alice, for always ensuring I get the greatest service available from the team.

THANK YOUS IN THE MIDST OF A BLIP

Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game

-          Gravity from Wicked

I’m happy to finally be able to say that the most recent ‘blip’ in my mental health recovery seems to be coming to an end! Just like the beginning of this, I can pinpoint the trigger of it. I’ve talked a lot about how my abuser’s new job role sparked off a lot of old thoughts and feelings that led to a lot of old coping strategies but now I can finally talk about the causes of my stabilizing.

I think that the first thing was when I was asked whether there should be a phone call to the RSPCA to get my pets rehomed because if I was so intent on committing suicide then it wouldn’t be fair on them. Another trigger was the impact my suicidal intent had on those closest to me. It was a bit of a wake-up call – a common feeling for those who are suicidal is the belief that their friends and family will be better off without them. I too had this thought, but their reactions became evidence to the contrary. I realized – the hard way – that I was loved and when my Twitter was flooded with positive messages and hopes that I ‘feel better soon’ I really learnt that my work – this blog – was helping others and was told that without it, people might just give up hope. Sometimes, when you don’t want to be alive, the only way to move through it is to stay alive for the sake of others. That, at least, buys you some time to work on your thoughts and feelings until it you actually, finally, begin to feel better about yourself. The final trigger for this stabilization was the negative interaction I had with a particular Police Officer from the Northumbria Police force.

NINE LESSONS YOU HAVE TO LEARN THE HARD WAY

It’s my God-Daughter’s Fourth Birthday very soon and it had me thinking about the things I wish she could know now to save from her having to learn them the hard way – through experience…

(I decided to throw in some light-hearted lessons too because otherwise, it wasn't going to be a very fun post!)

1.       Your heart has to be broken to strengthen it

It’s no secret that I went through a very monumentus relationship break-up last year (2018) and I remember in the early days of it, I would have panic attacks whenever I thought about what had happened. Finally, though, I can see that the heart does repair and even though you might still be able to see the cracks, the rest of it will be stronger than before.

2.      It’s impossible to not receive ‘junk’ emails

I’m one of those people who religiously goes through her junk e’mail inbox every time I check my e’mails because I can’t stand it saying that I have sixty-odd unread messages! I think the only way you could ever avoid spam would be by not being online at all!

3.      Asking for help doesn’t make you weak

To learn this lesson you’ll have your determination and independence tested. I was someone who wouldn’t ask for help; no matter how dire the situation! Sometimes that meant insignificant situations like being lost and refusing to Google Map directions; and sometimes it meant not wanting to ring the Crisis Team when I was hallucinating. Through my mental health, I’ve learnt that needing to ask for help isn’t something to be ashamed of; in fact, it takes a lot of strength to do so.

BEEN IN EMERGENCY CARE DURING A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS? NORTHUMBRIA HEALTHCARE NHS FOUNDATION TRUST WANT YOUR FEEDBACK!! | AD

I’m honoured to have been asked to tell you all about this fantastic opportunity (which I have been a part of):

A LETTER TO MY EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD SELF

Your life is worth a lot more than you think because you are capable of accomplishing more than you know

-          Roy T. Bennett

I got the inspiration for this post from a book that recommended writing a letter to yourself ten years earlier and when I realized how old I would have been ten years ago (18) I thought it might actually be quite interesting (you’ll see why) – or at least to me it would be(!).

Dear 18-year-old Aimee,

I don’t mean to scare you but I’m just going to come right out and say it; this summer, things are going to get really tough. I know you think you’ve survived the abuse but that was only the physical part of it. Here comes the emotional battle for survival!

Aimee, you’re going to overdose in just four months’ time and doing so is going to be the center of your life for a while… Sometimes it’s going to get really scary and, in all honesty, a number of times your life is going to be in the hands of some professionals who won’t always understand you. You’ll meet some staff that think your self-harm and suicide attempts are attention seeking and sometimes you might even question whether this is the case, but it isn’t.

TWENTY-EIGHT THINGS I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO FOR MY 28TH BIRTHDAY

And the world becomes a fantasy
And you're more than you could ever be
'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open

Greatest Showman – Come Alive

Birthdays are one of those yearly events, like Christmas and New Years, where everyone responds to it differently. Half of people are excited and enjoy the celebrations where the other half dread them and struggle with overwhelming negative emotions. I’m with the first half! I especially love Birthdays because I like the thought of having an entire day dedicated to creating all of the positive emotions and memories that the person deserves all year round! This means I’m probably more excited for other people’s Birthdays than my own but I’m still majorly excited to be turning 28!

So I’ve compiled a list of things I’m excited for – not just things that’ll happen on my Birthday but things to look forward to in general… Some of them may seem ‘small’ or ‘insignificant’ but sometimes the littlest things have the biggest impact!