A BEHIND-THE-SCENES OF COLLABORATIONS | CATS PROTECTION, NORTHUMBRIA POLICE, CNTW NHS FOUNDATION TRUST, OLIVER BONAS, BANDANA BOWTIQUE, RICHMOND FELLOWSHIP, LNER & MORE!!

In light of the success of my article for the Cats Protection blog about the benefits to my mental health having a cat has had, I thought it might be a good time to talk a bit about what it’s like to collaborate with organizations/charities/companies and why I do it.

There are a few controversial issues in the blogging industry such as whether or not to monopolize your blog and feature ads, if you should make your blog into a ‘brand’ and whether you should collaborate with others on joint projects and partnerships.


I guess I decided to do collaborations pretty early on in my blogging career and had a guest blog feature on Time To Change’s website within months of beginning I’m NOT Disordered. I made the decision to work with the brilliant organization who primarily campaign to eradicate the stigma against mental health quite easily. I had been enjoying writing/blogging and found it a huge relief to have somewhere to vent and offload all my pent-up thoughts and feelings that were magnetized by being in a psychiatric hospital. So, it just seemed to make sense to also write a piece for such a huge, well-known, and influential organization like Time To Change. Seeing my number of readers grow after the collaboration was very rewarding and realizing that working with more established organizations would shed some light on the existence of my brand new, little, unknown blog led to more and more collaborations.

GUESS WHAT I'M DOING JUNE 17TH... AND SO ARE YOU!! | AD

TEN THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY

1.      “I’M TWENTY-EIGHT!”

It’s like I wrote in my blog post on my twenty eighth Birthday (February 1^st 2019), when I took my first overdose aged eighteen (in 2009) I don’t think there was a huge concern that I wouldn’t make it to my next Birthday because the overdose wasn’t really life-threatening and I think people just assumed it to be a ‘one-off.’ But by 2012, when they’d calculated that I’d taken over 60 overdoses in the space of three years and I ended up on life support, I think people became… ‘concerned’ is probably an understatement… especially after I ended up on life support in Intensive Care.

2.      “I LIVE IN A BUNGALOW”

So often I get asked questions about my ‘flat’ and I’m so proud and lucky to be able to correct people with ‘I live in a bungalow.’ It’s sad that I only got this home because I’d been in a psychiatric hospital for two and a half years and so I was high priority on the list for a council property. But I could’ve just been housed in a crappy little flat! We dubbed my little bungalow my ‘forever home’ but as I progress through recovery, I can see that it’s almost inevitable that I will move at some point in the future but for now, I’m grateful for my little one-bedroom bungalow! 

"WE THOUGHT YOU WERE THE RINGLEADER" | MY THOUGHTS ON ENCOURAGING SELF-HARM | TW

“Do you know anyone in your town who self-harms?”

“Not in my town… nearby; why?”

“There’s a group of young girls encouraging each other to self-harm and for a while now, we’ve thought you were the ringleader!”

And that little quote, ladies and gentlemen, came from a Northumbria Police officer once he’d detained me under the Mental Capacity Act.

Now, does anyone remember #Cut4Bieber? If not (I wrote a post on it!), came off the back of a photo surfacing online of Justin Bieber taking drugs and his fans somehow interpreted it as a cause to feel hopeless and therefore a reason to self-harm. I think that when that occurred in 2013, it was the first time that I’d witnessed/experienced someone encouraging another person to do such an act.

But then as I spent more time in Hospital, I gained a whole new insight into the workings of the ward. When I was first admitted in 2012, I kept myself to myself and didn’t make the effort to get to know the other inpatients because I really didn’t think I’d be there that long (two and a half years in the end). When I realized I was in it for the long haul, I made friends with all of the girls and with one in particular. The upside to this was having someone to talk to who could identify with and understand me. The downside? I became part of the ‘club.’ Adopted the ‘us versus them’ mindset. It was this new insight that introduced me to the dark side of service user relationships with one another. Rather than supporting one another and bonding over our similar experiences and mutual thoughts, feelings, and coping mechanisms; some of the girls were encouraging one another to copy their own unsafe, and unhealthy coping skills of self-harm.

THANK YOUS IN THE MIDST OF A BLIP

Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game

-          Gravity from Wicked

I’m happy to finally be able to say that the most recent ‘blip’ in my mental health recovery seems to be coming to an end! Just like the beginning of this, I can pinpoint the trigger of it. I’ve talked a lot about how my abuser’s new job role sparked off a lot of old thoughts and feelings that led to a lot of old coping strategies but now I can finally talk about the causes of my stabilizing.

I think that the first thing was when I was asked whether there should be a phone call to the RSPCA to get my pets rehomed because if I was so intent on committing suicide then it wouldn’t be fair on them. Another trigger was the impact my suicidal intent had on those closest to me. It was a bit of a wake-up call – a common feeling for those who are suicidal is the belief that their friends and family will be better off without them. I too had this thought, but their reactions became evidence to the contrary. I realized – the hard way – that I was loved and when my Twitter was flooded with positive messages and hopes that I ‘feel better soon’ I really learnt that my work – this blog – was helping others and was told that without it, people might just give up hope. Sometimes, when you don’t want to be alive, the only way to move through it is to stay alive for the sake of others. That, at least, buys you some time to work on your thoughts and feelings until it you actually, finally, begin to feel better about yourself. The final trigger for this stabilization was the negative interaction I had with a particular Police Officer from the Northumbria Police force.

TWENTY-EIGHT THINGS I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO FOR MY 28TH BIRTHDAY

And the world becomes a fantasy
And you're more than you could ever be
'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open

Greatest Showman – Come Alive

Birthdays are one of those yearly events, like Christmas and New Years, where everyone responds to it differently. Half of people are excited and enjoy the celebrations where the other half dread them and struggle with overwhelming negative emotions. I’m with the first half! I especially love Birthdays because I like the thought of having an entire day dedicated to creating all of the positive emotions and memories that the person deserves all year round! This means I’m probably more excited for other people’s Birthdays than my own but I’m still majorly excited to be turning 28!

So I’ve compiled a list of things I’m excited for – not just things that’ll happen on my Birthday but things to look forward to in general… Some of them may seem ‘small’ or ‘insignificant’ but sometimes the littlest things have the biggest impact!

ALL OF MY THANK YOU’S FOR 2018 | HAPPY NEW YEAR 2019

Previous New Years with I'm NOT Disordered:

2013/2014 featured a list (what I didn’t achieve from it, carried on to 2014/2015) but now, in 2017, I’ve now achieved/completed the entire list - 12/12!

2014/2015 was a list of goals for the year ahead – and if you go read it and are wondering, I did/have done 9/10

2015/2016 featured a short list of upcoming projects, plans, and goals for the year ahead.

2016/2017 I celebrated with a completely new design – I can’t believe I’ve had this new logo for a year! I guess I need to stop calling it my new logo! I also asked myself – and some others – two questions: 1. What was one of your favourite things about 2016? And 2. What one thing are you looking forward to in 2017?

To mark the end of 2018, I wanted to take this opportunity to thank all those who have made the year so very special.

*To all those not specifically mentioned (you know who you are) I have an equal amount of gratitude for you too! But there’s only so long a post can be before people stop reading it!*

People:

Mum, thank you for: never straying from my side, always trusting me, playing with Emmy when I’m too tired to, putting faith and determination into my recovery, making the phonecalls that would make me anxious, the laughs and inside jokes, the hugs when I cry and the tears when you’re proud.  

MY RECENT MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS, RESPONSIBILITY & FEELING HOPELESS

I haven’t spoken publicly about this yet, but on Monday I went into a mental health crisis.

It started, believe it or not, with a tummy pain!

I was in my sitting room when the pain came about, and, in agony, I collapsed. Onto the coffee table. My shoulder and arm instantly hurt and with the beginning of the bruising, I made my way to the local Urgent Care Center. I could feel my head getting fuller and fuller… it wasn’t so much the voices at first. It was more thoughts and feelings. As though my thoughts were too long and too detailed to fit inside my little head, and my feelings were too intense and too huge to fit into my little body. And I think that all of this just crowded me and the, all to familiar, feelings of being over-powered and completely overwhelmed led to the voices.

24HRS WITH... CHIEF INSPECTOR STEVE HAILS | NORTHUMBRIA POLICE

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24 hours with... Chief Inspector Steve Hails, Northumbria Police

Date: Monday 30th July 2018

Why have you chosen to write about today? Today is my first day back to work following a week on leave.

Good morning!

What time did you wake up? 

05:00

Why did you wake up at that time? 

I always wake up early but at the moment seem to be waking up earlier.