DAY TWENTY-THREE OF BLOGMAS UNBOXED 2023: CHRISTMAS MEMORIAL ITEMS FOR FOUR BELOVED PETS, A BIT ABOUT EACH OF THEM, & A REEL | IN COLLABORATION WITH PHOENIX COVE

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Welcome to Blogmas Unboxed!!

Today’s blog post is inspired by the four wooden decorative items I had made by Cleo at Phoenix Cove in memory of four pets I have lost; Saffy, Dolly, Pixie, and Emmy (you can customise – it doesn’t have to be a pet’s name – and purchase your own here). So, I thought I’d put together some little bits about each of them because I’m obviously aware that I have a significantly larger audience as the years have gone by and so, some people might not be aware of each of these pets, their stories, and their impact on my life – and on my mental health in particular…

WHY GAINING RESPONSIBILITY IS ONE OF THE GREATEST REASONS TO HAVE A FURRY FRIEND | FOUR YEARS SINCE LOSING DOLLY

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too”

Paulo Coelho

Four years ago on October 16th, my big, fluffy, four-year-old Maine Coon; Dolly, was put to sleep after battling kidney failure for just over a week (you can read more about her death here). Every year since losing Dolly, I’ve felt the need to concentrate on all my good memories from my four years with her, because I recognised that if I didn’t – if I allowed my head to be consumed by all of the sadness and grief – there was every chance that I would fall apart. And this is a coping mechanism I found so helpful that I actually used it in the death of my Lionhead bunny; Pixie in 2021. From doing this, and from the fact that I now have a rescue, calico cat; Emmy, and a mini-Lionhead bunny; Luna, I found the inspiration for this blog post where I’m going to talk about my top four reasons for having pets…

WHY THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS ‘JUST A PET’ | THREE YEARS WITHOUT A BEST FRIEND

I could hold you all night

And it wouldn’t make it right

I have held you all day

And it doesn’t go away

‘Cause it’s when I hold you close

That’s when it hurts the most

Rose Cousins – Go First

Three years ago today, my beautiful, big, fluffy Maine Coon; Dolly, was put to sleep after a week-long battle that ultimately ended in Kidney failure. Having recently started to struggle again with my mental health, a lot of people were kind of concerned that the anniversary of my cat’s death would trigger more unsafe behaviours. But, I know that Dolly wouldn’t want me to use her death as a reason to hurt myself. She would want me to hold onto the good memories of her and to focus on all the positives in my life. And doing this, made me think about the main thing I’ve learnt as a result of losing my furry best friend:

LOVE THE FLUFFY ONES IN YOUR LIFE WITHOUT CONCERN OR CARE FOR THE JUDGMENT OF OTHERS

Being aware of the judgements, thoughts, and opinions of others can be so unhealthy because they can prevent you from making decisions based on your own feelings. After losing Dolly, there have been so many instances where I’ve found myself saying “I know it sounds silly but…” I was just so conscious that if I talked about all my thoughts on what Dolly would have wanted, there’d be so many people who’d be thinking ‘it’s just a cat!’ And with their judgement in mind, I tried so hard to hide just how much I was hurting, and how utterly broken I felt with the overwhelmingly painful realisation and acceptance that I would never see Dolly again.

I was going to talk about how Dolly came into my life with the intention that it would illustrate to people why she was so important to me; but I worried it would look as though I was trying to justify her worth. As though I were trying to convince everyone that she was definitely more than ‘just a cat.’ But then I wondered, wouldn’t that be the exact opposite of the message I’m trying to get across? Wouldn’t it look as though I do really care about the judgement of others? So, I finally came to the conclusion that rather than talk about the beginning with Dolly in a bid to force others to understand my upset, it’d be much nicer to tell you because I believe her coming into my life is so very deserving of being shared…

EVERYTHING LOSING PETS HAS TAUGHT ME | PET REMEMBRANCE DAY 2021 | IN COLLABORATION WITH CATS PROTECTION

This post is in memory of Saffy, Dolly, and Pixie – my furry little lifesavers.

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”

Mitch Albom

Whether you know me personally or only through my social media or the content of my blog, I’d like to think you know that I’m the type of person who is forever looking on the bright side of difficult situations. And I think this is because I’ve experienced how it feels to allow myself to only see the difficulty of everything. To concentrate on the hardship and fail to find hope. And I now know what damage that can cause me to do to myself. I know it can leave me feeling as though I’d rather be dead than continue to experience it. And so, I’d like to take this Day as an opportunity – not to concentrate on the devastating impact of the loss of three very important pets since creating I’m NOT Disordered – but instead, to talk about the lessons I’ve learnt from the loss of Saffy, Dolly, and Pixie; in the hope that it will benefit others going through a similar hardship…

DON’T BE ASHAMED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SADNESS

This lesson came particularly when my lop-eared, Lionhead bunny Pixie was put to sleep in April this year (you can read more about her death here). Prior to losing Pixie, both of the most notable pets passing (Saffy and Dolly) were cats and for some reason, I think that even people without pets can be more empathetic to someone who’s lost their cat than they would for the death of a rabbit. I think that with rabbits mostly being classed as a ‘small animal’ a lot of people (especially those who haven’t owned a rabbit) see them as less significant. 

When I bought Pixie in September 2017 ( you can read more about adding her to the family here), the visual hallucinations of rabbits had just come back and spotting her in my local Pets at Home, I had the impulsive idea that maybe holding her would help me. I knew that I couldn’t touch my rabbit hallucinations because every time I got closer, they moved away. So, I thought that in holding and stroking a real rabbit, maybe I’d feel more grounded. And I was right; the next day I returned, bought Pixie and took her home where she continued to help me. She continued to bring me back to earth when all my mind seemed to want to fly away and ignore all of the very really challenging moments and situations.

DEAR DOLLY & SOME ADVICE | TWO YEARS SINCE THE DEATH OF MY CAT | IN COLLABORATION WITH CATS PROTECTION | AD

And now your song is on repeat

And I’m dancin’ on to your heartbeat

And when you’re gone, I feel incomplete

Symphony – Clean Bandit

 

Two years ago today, I lost a best-friend when my four-year-old, Maine Coon cat; Dolly, was put to sleep. Today, I’ll be marking her two year anniversary (you can read the one year mark here) with a letter to her and some advice on how to cope with the loss of a pet.

I’m honoured to say that this post will be in collaboration with Cats Protection – it’s kind of a light to all the difficult moments in this post… 

Dear Dolly,

You knew how much I enjoyed writing, but this letter is one of the hardest things I’ve ever wrote. However, I think that in the long run, it’ll be helpful to me and my mental health because it’s a bit of a relief to feel that I’m getting out everything I want to tell you and what I want you to know. 

Did you know that the pink and white spotted collar that was around your neck for a long part of your life, was actually hanging from a photo frame in my hospital room for months before I got you?! My Mum had the idea that maybe buying the collar and having it to look at, would keep me motivated in working hard at my mental health recovery because having my own home, and having you; would be my prize at the end. Being in that hospital over 100 miles away from everyone I loved, having that collar was also comforting because it prompted me to consider all my loved ones if I was struggling or about to self-harm. And it reminded me that doing something like that, would make having you even further and further away, out of my reach. And I couldn’t stand that.

FIVE SCARIEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE | HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2019

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along”

Eleanor Roosevelt

Halloween is all about making people jump in shock and scaring people half to death; but no one ever really uses the opportunity to talk about how fear can be positive and beneficial too! Being afraid can be a natural reaction to a situation – think along the lines of ‘fight or flight.’ So, for this reason, I didn’t want to use this post to only discuss the really negative parts of my life; I also wanted to talk about how positive fear has been for me sometimes… How it has often resulted in something positive:

1.    The time I stopped breathing in 2008

I had a weekend job at my local Primark (a huge retail store) and had been folding clothes when I got a huge pain in my tummy and passed out. I remember paramedics coming and giving me morphine and then they took me to the local A&E where they gave me more morphine. After seeing a Doctor they decided that I needed to be transferred to the local Gynae ward at another hospital and en route, in the ambulance, they gave me more morphine and then failed to tell the new hospital how much I’d had and they gave me more. 

MARKING ONE YEAR WITHOUT DOLLY

When I think Back On These Times,
And The Dreams We Left Behind,
I'll Be Glad 'Cause I Was Blessed
To Get To Have You In My Life.
When I Look Back On These Days,
I'll Look And See Your Face,
You Were Right There For Me,

In My Dreams I'll Always See You
Soar Above The Sky,
In My Heart There'll Alwys Be A Place For You
For All My Life,
I'll Keep A Part Of You With Me,
And Everywhere I Am There You'll Be

Faith Hill - Everywhere I Am

[the advert photo from pets4homes] 

I’m going to be so cliché right now and say that I can’t believe it’s been a year since Dolly was put to sleep and almost a year since I adopted Emmy because it feels like just yesterday that it all happened!


I’ve recently had a friend on social media have to go through a similar experience of deciding whether to have her cat put to sleep. Initially, it was really triggering of the memories of being stood in the clinic room at Robson and Prescott Vets and having to agree to lose my best-friend forever in order to end her pain and suffering. After a little while, though, I realized that instead of allowing my friend’s suffering to trigger the memories, maybe I could use my experience to help her through this difficult time. I remember in the first few days after Dolly was put to sleep and I said to a friend that it was the hardest decision I’d ever had to make before correcting myself and realizing that I was probably only saying that because it’s what everyone says in these situations. But actually, it wasn’t ‘hard;’ it was easy. There was no debating whether to put Dolly through one final battery of tests and treatments – that might not even have worked - just to give myself an extra day with her. The decision just wasn’t nice or fair.

TOP TIPS FOR MENTAL HEALTH AND PETS | IN COLLABORATION WITH CATS PROTECTION’S ‘MORE THAN JUST A CAT’ CAMPAIGN | AD

You’d think that by now, I’d have exhausted the topic of mental health and pets but when there’s something that you’re passionate about, you often can’t shut up about it! So, I’ve found room on my blog for more info and tips on all things mental health and pets! 


This post is in collaboration with Cats Protection and their new campaign: ‘More Than Just A Cat’ which talks a lot about how huge an impact cats can have on your life to illustrate to those who don’t understand, just how important our pets are. Being a mental health Blogger, I guess it’s obvious that I want to concentrate on the mental impact animals can have; because yes, they make good company but what does that company mean to you? Does it fight off feelings of loneliness? Does it keep you grounded? Does that stop you from self-harming? Does it encourage you to be more open with your support workers? 


For this reason, here’s five tips for all thing’s mental health and pets:



Before you get a pet, make sure your mental health is stable enough for you to be responsible for another life

Once upon a time, I wanted to work with Children, but I realized that if I couldn’t care for myself then how could I look after someone else?! It’s the same with pets. Having one, you’re becoming responsible for another life and if you can’t take care of your own then is it fair to attempt to care for another. Although, I do appreciate that you might hold the belief that getting a pet will help stabilize your mental health it’s important to stay realistic and be prepared to take such a risk. I think that it’s reasonable to be in the right place to get a pet and then find yourself struggling later on, but don’t go into it with that frame of mind.

FIVE COPING STRATEGIES FOR GRIEF AFTER FIVE MONTHS WITHOUT DOLLY

'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

-          Labrinth – Jealous

Firstly, has it really been six months since I lost Dolly?!

I thought I’d check-in with people because I obviously blogged about it so much in the beginning (here and here and here and here and finally, here) and then so much has happened since October 2018 that these other things have been what I’ve blogged about.

I thought it important to write now after I was at my neighbour’s the other day; she has two cats and one is very fluffy. Like Dolly was. I love going to see my neighbour; we get along so well that it’s not as though I can avoid going to her home because of the similarities. And I can’t and I shouldn’t. If my mental health journey has taught me anything, it’s been that you need to face things head-on – don’t avoid them or block them out because they just come back to bite you. And it’s so much harder than if you’d just tackled it at the beginning!

Have I done that with losing Dolly? I thought not. I thought I’d blogged so much about it that perhaps it was all ‘out of my system’ but I guess I’ve learnt that grief can never really be out of any system! And it is because of this that I’ve had learnt some coping strategies to manage my grief into preventing it from becoming overwhelming. I realise that the death of my cat means very little to some people and it – by no means – makes me an expert of coping with grief but if one of my coping mechanisms can help just one person that I thought it worth putting them ‘out there.’

ALL OF MY THANK YOU’S FOR 2018 | HAPPY NEW YEAR 2019

Previous New Years with I'm NOT Disordered:

2013/2014 featured a list (what I didn’t achieve from it, carried on to 2014/2015) but now, in 2017, I’ve now achieved/completed the entire list - 12/12!

2014/2015 was a list of goals for the year ahead – and if you go read it and are wondering, I did/have done 9/10

2015/2016 featured a short list of upcoming projects, plans, and goals for the year ahead.

2016/2017 I celebrated with a completely new design – I can’t believe I’ve had this new logo for a year! I guess I need to stop calling it my new logo! I also asked myself – and some others – two questions: 1. What was one of your favourite things about 2016? And 2. What one thing are you looking forward to in 2017?

To mark the end of 2018, I wanted to take this opportunity to thank all those who have made the year so very special.

*To all those not specifically mentioned (you know who you are) I have an equal amount of gratitude for you too! But there’s only so long a post can be before people stop reading it!*

People:

Mum, thank you for: never straying from my side, always trusting me, playing with Emmy when I’m too tired to, putting faith and determination into my recovery, making the phonecalls that would make me anxious, the laughs and inside jokes, the hugs when I cry and the tears when you’re proud.  

CAN I DISTRACT MY WAY THROUGH CHRISTMAS? | GRIEF AT CHRISTMASTIME

“Just because I stopped blogging about it, doesn’t mean it went away!”

I recently wrote a blog post on ways to look after your mental health at Christmastime and I talked a little about what a festive person I am and that I didn’t want to come across as not knowing what I was talking about. Like many blog posts, it made me think a lot afterwards and I realized that actually, this year, I can, sort of, identify with some people struggling at this time of year. And whilst the cause for my struggle might seem lesser than others, it’s important to recognize that grief is grief. A person’s turmoil shouldn’t depend on how close the relative was or whether the loss was a human or animal; because it isn’t always about who you’ve lost but what you’ve lost.

This year will be the first Christmas without my Cat, Dolly. This week it will have been two months since she was put to sleep. If you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about then here’s the posts I wrote at the time: here and here because this post isn’t for going through the whole story again; it’s about having to move on.

GOODBYES - THE GOOD, THE BAD, & THE UGLY

At 27, I think I’d still be classed as young but at the same time, it’s kind of expected – at my age – to have at least gone through some challenging ‘goodbye’ situations. I mean, I think you’d struggle to find a 27-year-old who could say they’ve never experienced the death of a loved one, or a relationship break-up. The sad truth is, goodbyes are an inevitable challenge in life. We will all face one eventually.

It’s difficult to rank the goodbyes I’ve faced into which was the most challenging because I don’t want to say one and for the others to seem meaningless or ‘easier’ to cope with. So I’m not going to talk about the goodbyes I’ve experienced in any particular order; no one experience was harder than the other – each of them were completely different and challenging in their own way…

LEARNING THE LINE BETWEEN DENIAL, DISTRACTION & ACCEPTANCE

Losing Dolly has got me thinking about how one of the key reasons for my two-and-a-half-year admission in the Psychiatric hospital Cygnet Bierley, was so that I could be taught Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) – the recommended support for those diagnosed with a Personality Disorder. When I was first admitted to the hospital my only coping skills were through several different methods of self-harm so being unable to do that yet still only learning the healthy, safe coping skills DBT teaches you; was more than challenging. It felt impossible.

Our group DBT facilitator would have us keep a diary of which skills we’d used on which days and under which circumstances. She told us that we’d know that we had mastered the skills when we could no longer remember which skills we’d used during the day because they’d just come naturally. Something I wasn’t told, however, was that even when the DBT lessons were done and I was discharged, I would still be learning about it. I’d still be developing my skills, favoring different ones and using them in different ways. Where I’d once loved distraction techniques, and hated mindfulness, I’ve now learnt that sometimes I use distraction to an extreme, unhealthy and unsafe level and have found that mindfulness is massively helpful in grounding me when I’m overwhelmed by hallucinations or thoughts of self-harm.

"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO GRIEVE" | WHY THE 'FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF' DON'T MEAN A THING

IN MEMORY OF DOLLY I'VE SET UP A JUSTGIVING PAGE TO RAISE MONEY FOR HER VETS BILLS. IF YOU CAN CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING AT ALL IT WOULD BE HUGELY AMAZING!

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/dollywilson

So once upon a time, there was this fantastically clever lady called Elisabeth Kugler Ross who came up with a theory. She thought that there are five stages of grief that a person can experience.

As you’ll know – if you read one of my most recent posts – I recently lost my four-year-old cat (Dolly). Some of you might read this and think “oh my God it’s just a cat. She’s grieving over a cat?!” but I’d like you to continue reading and see if you feel the same by the end.

TODAY I LOST A BESTFRIEND | REST IN PEACE DOLLY 12.10.2014 - 16.10.2018

I’m so sorry to have to tell you all this but today (16.10.2018) my cat, Dolly was put to sleep.

Last Monday (07.10.2018) Dolly got poorly so I took her to the Vets and she was put on an IV drip of fluids to help ‘flush her system out’ after blood tests showed that her kidneys weren’t working properly.

She came home Friday but on Saturday she had four episodes of diarrhea and two of vomiting, so I took her back in and initially the Vet said they could send her home with some medication for the nausea and vomiting but my Mum suggested we do a blood test to put my mind at ease. Even the Vet was surprised with the results; her kidney function was really bad and so she admitted again for a weekend of fluids and the plan to do a repeated blood test on Monday (15.10.2018). Again, the Vets were surprised to find that her kidneys had worsened. They told me that she could come home, and I remember asking “are you sending her home to die?”

THREE REASONS WHY WE SHOULD ALL KEEP GOING | TW: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE

We are search lights, we can see in the dark

We are rockets, pointed up at the stars

We are billions of beautiful heats

- P!NK - What About Us

For obvious (I think) reasons, there have been times in my relapse where I’ve felt reluctant to go on with life and have become determined to end it. And yes, sometimes; I’ve tried to. More recently (like literally the last four days) I’ve begun to see some changes in my mental health from the medication getting back in my system and one of these has been finding – and then clinging onto – all the reasons why I shouldn’t die. All the reasons I deserve life. Deserve my recovery.

And now that I’ve learnt these three important reasons, I thought it was time to share them with all my lovely readers in the hope that it inspires others to find their own reasons. Their own rationale to fight back against all of those feelings of depression and all of those suicidal thoughts…

WEEK TEN | 52 LISTS OF HAPPINESS | OLIVER BONAS | AD

You can buy this book here

Every week, for 2018 there will be post of what I’ve done in the book each week. And the tenth list?

List the ways that you feel lucky:

WEEK EIGHT | 52 LISTS FOR HAPPINESS | OLIVER BONAS | AD

You can buy this book here

Every week, for 2018 there will be post of what I’ve done in the book each week. And the eighth list?

List the things you like to do that don't involve technology:

27 THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR | MY TWENTY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY!!

1.     My Mum

      2.     R

3.     Dolly

4.     Pixie

THREE SPECIAL MOMENTS FOR THREE YEARS IN MY 'FOREVER HOME'

Today, (December 8^th) I’ve lived in my home with Dolly for three years.

I actually moved in on December 1^st, 2014 but Dolly wasn’t ready to leave her Mum until the 7^th so it didn’t really feel like ‘home’ until she joined me!

I remember when my Out of Area Care Co-ordinator, Janice, called me to say that they’d found a bungalow that I was eligible to move into and she asked if I wanted to go and check out the area with her. There were two bungalows on the Close empty, so we weren’t sure which it was but seeing that one was on the end and nearest to the local park I hoped it was the other one! While the bid was in for my home, she called me to tell me of another one that was available, but it wasn’t in a nice area. A little while later and I was sat on a bus with my Mum when Janice called and told me not to worry about this second home. I asked why; “because you got the one you wanted!”

I had the keys before my move-in date so that furniture could be delivered, the whole house be decorated, and the floors fitted. But it was such a relief to finally leave Hospital and move into, what we called it at the time, my ‘Forever Home.’ I didn’t, for one moment, imagine that I’d be sat here three years later engaged to the love of my life and talking about getting a house together!

To mark the three-year anniversary, here’s my top three favourite moments in my home in this past year: