AN AMAZON UK BUNNY BIRTHDAY WISH LIST | THE ELDEST IS ALMOST FOUR!!

“The kindness one does for one animal may not change the world, but it will change the world of that one animal.”

Unknown

Now, you know that I like to try to disperse light-hearted content on my blog as a means of breaking up the very heavy and emotional posts I typically publish. Of course, this often feels like a waste of time because people likely aren’t coming to, I’m NOT Disordered for this kind of content, and I actually sometimes worry that I’ll lose readers, but from Day One my blog has been about what I benefit from writing about… My eldest pet (I have three – a second bunny and a cat too!) Luna will be FOUR YEARS OLD on October 1^st and so we sat down together (as you do!) and put together a wish list of treats and toys from Amazon UK. We thought we’d share it with you all for any fellow bunnies/bunny owners who are deserving of some lovely bits and pieces too! There are a few absolute bargains in it! Enjoy…

MARKING ONE YEAR OF GRACIE WITH A HUGE THANK YOU TO HER

 

“I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything.”

Emery Allen

I’m so incredibly grateful to have Gracie be part of the family for one year today. I feel like every single second she is here; she’s reassured me that I’m wanted, valuable, important, and loved – all the notions I’m often desperate and honoured to experience when my mental health is poorly.

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY, GRACIE

So, you may remember that I lost my cat; Emmy, a few months ago. She had been best-friends for over a year with my lop eared lionhead bunny; Luna. She was all Luna had ever known. And losing her was heartbreaking for both of us.

From the day Emmy was put to sleep, our Veterinary Practice recommended adding a bunny companion to help Luna cope with the sadness, stress and confusion of the loss. And, for a little while, I thought that I’d completely made my mind up and that I wouldn’t be getting another fluffy one. But then, Luna began depositing waste everywhere and the Vets explained it was from the stress, so I discovered Simply Beautiful Mini Lop Bunny Rabbits and on January 9^th, I added Gracie to our family!

THE LITTLEST IS ONE!!! | HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUNA

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone, whose weirdness is compatible with ours; we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love…”

Robert Fulghum, True Love

It sounds a bit cliché, but right now – on the day my mini-Lionhead bunny turns one year old – I’m stuck between the notion that Luna has been part of our little family forever, and the feeling that I only just brought her home the other day...

THE JOURNEY OF ADDING LUNA TO THE FAMILY

If you’ve been reading, I’m NOT Disordered for a little while, you may know that one type of hallucinations I used to experience were visual, and of rabbits. In 2017, when they became the most constant and distressing, they had been in a long time, I asked a member of staff in Pets at Home if I could hold one of their bunnies. I had it in my head that maybe touching their soft fur and feeling their heartbeat whilst I held them, would better help me to recognise reality and separate that from the slightly blurred and vague notion I seemed to experience when I was hallucinating. And so, out of all the young rabbits, I picked a fluffy, brown Lionhead and I will never ever forget the serenity I felt when I held her against my chest in the middle of the store and started gently (so as not to scare her) crying. Fortunately, I had already asked my Mum to take photos, so she genuinely captured the tears rolling down my cheeks while I hugged the bunny who I had instantly determined to be mine. So, I returned to the store the following day to buy that exact bunny, her hutch, and all the other bits and pieces and I brought her home with the name ‘Pixie.’

BUNNY Q&A | LUNA'S ALMOST ONE!!! | IN COLLABORATION WITH AMAZON UK

Love you, I’ll be here

I will never disappear

Said forever, I swear

So I will be there

Tyler Shaw – Love You Still

Luna's Amazon Birthday Wishlist

It's Luna (my bunny)'s 1st Birthday next week, but I wanted to do something special now... So, I thought I’d turn over to you and asked you all to send in your bunny-related questions! I had vowed to answer all of them but having such a big audience now; I maybe shouldn’t have said that! So, I’ve had to pick my favourites – which was so difficult because I honestly loved them all…

Why a rabbit? And what made you pick Luna?

So, when I was little I had two rabbits – Happy and Thumper – and when they had babies myself and my family made the mistake of handling them so the Mum killed them (something which is quite well known in rabbits). This memory led professionals to believe that when I started to hallucinate rabbits years later, that was the influence.

After a lengthy (two and a half years) psychiatric hospital admission and medication, the hallucinations stopped for some time and when they came back in 2017, I was so terrified that if I told someone I’d be put back in hospital; but I knew that I needed to talk about it in order to get help. So, my Mum and I were in Pets At Home, and I had this unexpected and overwhelming idea to hold one of their rabbits. My thought behind it was that perhaps in feeling a very real bunny, in having their fur against my skin and feeling their heartbeat, maybe I’d feel some sort of courage and comfort that would leave me able to get help for the hallucinations return.

TWELVE OF THE BEST BUNNY BUYS| MARKING TWELVE MONTHS WITHOUT PIXIE | IN COLLABORATION WITH AMAZON UK

This blog post had the huge potential to be incredibly emotional and overwhelming but having just published two pieces with an abundance of those exact qualities (the one marking fifteen years since the abuse ended and the poem), I thought it would be a bit too much. And that opinion isn’t solely about wanting content that appeals to my readership, it’s also about recognising my own boundaries and tolerance levels. I mean, there’s only so much I can cope with delving into and writing about! So, when Amazon UK asked to do a collaboration, I had the idea to create this more fun and happy post of a little list of items on amazon.co.uk that I think my new bunny (Luna) would want me to recommend...

Wooden Rabbit Hutch: £129.99

This is honestly my dream hutch for Luna! I like that it has the covered area on the top floor because since Luna jumped from my arms and injured her back, she’s become a bit nervous and really likes to spend time somewhere sheltered and private. I also love that it has wheels because half of it would go in the space where my undercounter fridge used to be so to clean it out, it’d be easy to just roll it forwards. Since this is fairly expensive (though I think it’s a good price for the size of it!), I’d definitely recommend checking out all the measurements because the space for Luna’s hutch just isn’t big enough for this – it’s literally the only thing stopping me from getting it! I definitely think it’s worth the price tag though because rabbits can live fairly long (something which first time owners aren’t always aware of), so it’d last a good while.

A POEM FOR PIXIE | ONE YEAR SINCE I LOST MY BUNNY

So, tomorrow will be one year since my lovely Lionhead, Pixie was put to sleep. I decided to do a collaboration piece that was a bit more fun and light-hearted for the actual anniversary (so you've got that to look forward to tomorrow!) but, I couldn't resist doing something a bit deep too...

DEAR PIXIE, | ALMOST ONE YEAR WITHOUT MY BUNNY

‘All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.’

Helen Keller

When I first created, I’m NOT Disordered, a huge motivation to do so was that writing/typing is really beneficial for my mental health. I find it so therapeutic to be able to ‘get out’ a lot of thoughts and feelings that I’ve felt unable to verbalise or internally process. And to be honest, I genuinely believe I’ve lost that over the years, and I’ve slowly began to really prioritise my readers interests and needs. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that exactly – I’m more than aware that I (and my blog) wouldn’t be where we are today if it weren’t for all of you lovely people – but I think it’s equally right to remember why I started this. To ensure that I’m still benefiting from the time and effort that I’m putting into my content. And so, with that in mind, I decided to write a post just for my sake and I thought I’d still publish it to hopefully shed light on just how heart-breaking it is to lose a pet and to provide a level of comfort for those struggling with their grief to know that they aren’t alone…

LIVING WITH LUNA | FOUR WEEKS WITH MY NEW BUNNY | INTRODUCING DIFFERENT PETS | IN COLLABORATION WITH CATS PROTECTION | AD

I’m stuck in the dark, but you’re my flashlight

You’re getting me, getting me through the night

Flashlight – Jessie J

This post includes a gifted item from the brand new Cats Protection clothing. You can buy my t-shirt and browse their other items here: https://catsprotectionclothing.com

 

So, I can’t believe I’ve had my little mini Lionhead, lop-eared bunny; Luna for four weeks now! Having her has been like one of those things where it feels like she’s been here forever; just because that’s how well and how quickly she has settled in… 

When my first bunny, Pixie was put to sleep in April this year, I immediately realised I’d need to make the decision as to whether or not to get another bunny. And that might sound awful that I had just lost Pixie and was already thinking about a new rabbit… but it wasn’t about replacing her in any way at all! 

It was about how having Pixie had provided such a helpful grounding technique when I would hallucinate rabbits. So, in her absence; I had the panic and concern that I wouldn’t be able to cope safely if the hallucinations were to come back (they’ve been gone for over a year now after my antipsychotic medication was increased). But, it also wasn’t even just about me and my mental health. It was also about my cat; Emmy and what the best decision would be for her and, to be fair, I initially put her before my own thoughts and feelings on it.

DEAR LUNA, | INTRODUCING MY NEW BUNNY!!!

“I want so much for you.”

Callie Torres, Greys Anatomy

Dear Luna,

Being a writer/blogger means that I typically find words fairly easily and so it take a lot for me to feel that I can’t find the right ones to get something across. And telling you how loved, wanted, and appreciated you are, is definitely one of those instances!

For – what felt like – a long time after losing my first bunny (Pixie) I believed I had reached the final decision not to get another rabbit. I thought that I had really considered the consequences and possible results if I were to get one, and I felt that having done so, I could conclude that it wouldn’t be a good idea – that the risks I’d have to take in getting a bunny, overwhelmed any possible benefits.

Obviously, all of that has changed! It’s been as though as time has gone by, the house has become more and more empty. As though that missing piece of the jigsaw – the piece shaped like Pixie – was standing out more and more… like a sore thumb! And sometimes it’s hard to say this sort of thing because I don’t, under any circumstances, want it to look as though having Emmy isn’t ‘enough.’ As though she isn’t a good enough part of the home to the point that I would want another pet! Well, that’s not true. Emmy is most definitely a loved, wanted, and appreciated little one, so it’s not a question about that. The thing is about wanting to have a bunny… 

SOME OF THE COMMENTS MADE IN LOSING MY BUNNY | IN LOVING MEMORY OF PIXIE

Wrapped up, so consumed by all this hurt

If you ask me, don’t know where to start

Anger, love, confusion

Roads that go nowhere

I know there’s somewhere better

‘Cause you take me there

Came to you with a broken faith

Gave me more than a hand to hold

Take Me Home – Jess Glynne

 

If you follow my social media accounts, (particularly my Twitter: https://twitter.com/aimes_wilson) this post probably seemed inevitable and just a matter of time before it was written and published! I guess it’s fairly obvious that I find blogging soothing and therapeutic so it’s probably a given that I was going to use it as a coping skill in the death of my beloved lop-eared Lionhead bunny, Pixie.

 

“I said that I had a bad feeling!”

For a long time, my poor mental health meant that I was really out of touch with having accurate and fair instincts around my physical health. I think this largely stemmed from the abuse and how much pain I experienced from it because I found myself cutting myself off from that harsh, painful reality. It meant that once my mental health started to improve through hospitalisation, medication, and therapy, I found that actually; I could be in tune with my body and not fall apart in doing so.

Becoming more aware of my health, also meant that I found myself to develop very good instincts where my pets were concerned too. One key example of this was with Pixie. It was only early afternoon one day a few years ago so Pixie had only really been exhibiting symptoms (no appetite and no passing of poop) for the morning, but I had a bad feeling, so I called the Vets. The Vet was reluctant to give me an appointment for Pixie because she believed she should be given longer at home to check if she really was poorly. I remember telling her that I knew my bunny better than anyone and I knew something was wrong. Fortunately the Vet agreed to do an examination and within five minutes of it, she said it had been very lucky I’d insisted on the check-up because Pixie had Gut Stasis; which can be fatal for rabbits.

HAPPY EASTER WEEKEND

 

PIXIE’S THIRD BIRTHDAY

Because even when I was flat broke

You made me feel like a million bucks

Yeah you do

I was made for you

The Story – Sara Ramirez

Since Pixie has been so poorly recently (she had Gut Stasis and was admitted to the Vets for a few nights) I wanted to do a  bit of a light-hearted little post on her and the presents she’d like for her third Birthday which is coming up in July! 

She also has an Amazon Wishlist for any lovely readers who’d like to treat her to a little surprise (you can view it here).


If you aren’t sure who Pixie is and why she’s so special… I got Pixie in 2017 after my hallucinations of rabbits came back. I hadn’t told anyone that I was struggling with them again because I was so scared it’d mean that I was admitted to hospital again or that my medication would be increased, but when I was in Pets At Home with my Mum and saw their cute, fluffy bunnies… Well, I burst into tears(!), told my Mum, and asked the store staff if I could hold one of the rabbits. While I cuddled Pixie and my Mum took photos, I cried and agreed to ring my Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) to tell her what was happening to get help and support for it.

HAPPY EASTER 2020 | IN COLLABORATION WITH LALEE LAND LDN | DISCOUNT CODE | AD

Quick post to wish you all a very Happy Easter and to show you my new bunny bracelet from the wonderful Lalee Land LDN (who collaborated with me on my Christmas Competition last year, you can read my review on some of their other amazing products here)! It’s a super cute little charm and you can even choose the colour of the thread!

And there’s so many more products on their Etsy store: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/laleelandLDN

Once you’ve picked some products out, you can get 10% off your order by typing in IMNOTDISORDERED at the checkout!

https://twitter.com/LaleeLandLDN

https://www.instagram.com/laleelandldn/

TOP TIPS FOR COPING WITH HALLUCINATIONS | IN COLLABORATION WITH PETS AT HOME GATESHEAD | AD

https://www.instagram.com/petsathome_gateshead/

https://www.facebook.com/PetsAtHomeGateshead/

I was in the Gateshead Pets At Home store when I saw two VERY cute lionhead bunnies and I immediately felt so appreciative; because I knew that everyone could see them. It wasn’t just me. They weren’t hallucinations. I wasn’t hallucinating (for new readers, to find out more about the rabbit hallucinations, read this post). To verify this, I asked a Supervisor; Joanne, if I could hold one of their bunnies and as I stroked its fur, I told myself to take in every single hair and be grateful that I could do so. It seems like it’s been a long time since I’ve had to use my own lop-eared, Lionhead bunny; Pixie, as a grounding technique for the hallucinations so when I saw these bunnies I realized that I could still use her, but as a way to make myself more thankful and appreciative that the hallucinations have finally stopped.


It made me think about how much I wish I’d had a fellow service user give me tips on coping with hallucinations  - it was all well and good having a professional teach me healthy and safe coping strategies but how could they really understand what would work? Their advice was based on studies of how others have responded to their tips, and not their own experience. I hate the thought of others feeling this way, so I thought about what I could do to make a difference and to help stop at least one person from thinking those things… So, here’s some tips and tricks of methods I’ve used to help me cope with my hallucinations; I’m not saying they’re going to work for everyone but if one of them works for one person then writing this post was worthwhile.


(I hope that you can use these tips for all kinds of hallucinations!)

TEN THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY

1.      “I’M TWENTY-EIGHT!”

It’s like I wrote in my blog post on my twenty eighth Birthday (February 1^st 2019), when I took my first overdose aged eighteen (in 2009) I don’t think there was a huge concern that I wouldn’t make it to my next Birthday because the overdose wasn’t really life-threatening and I think people just assumed it to be a ‘one-off.’ But by 2012, when they’d calculated that I’d taken over 60 overdoses in the space of three years and I ended up on life support, I think people became… ‘concerned’ is probably an understatement… especially after I ended up on life support in Intensive Care.

2.      “I LIVE IN A BUNGALOW”

So often I get asked questions about my ‘flat’ and I’m so proud and lucky to be able to correct people with ‘I live in a bungalow.’ It’s sad that I only got this home because I’d been in a psychiatric hospital for two and a half years and so I was high priority on the list for a council property. But I could’ve just been housed in a crappy little flat! We dubbed my little bungalow my ‘forever home’ but as I progress through recovery, I can see that it’s almost inevitable that I will move at some point in the future but for now, I’m grateful for my little one-bedroom bungalow! 

PIXIE'S CHRISTMAS WISHLIST | IDEAL PRESENTS FOR YOUR BUNNY!

Just because my last few posts have been centered around my kitten; Emmy, don’t think I’ve forgotten my bunny! Pixie’s stocking is very full this year and even though I have a kitten to entertain, I still spend a lot of time with her! I think we’ve bonded even more since losing Dolly because in the week between Dolly passing away and getting Emmy, it was just the two of us and some people might say she wouldn’t  – but I truly believe that she knows Dolly has gone.

So after the popularity of Emmy’s Christmas Wishlist, Pixie had to stick her whiskers in(!) and took over the keyboard for a few hours…

Meadow hay and Marigolds are super good for bunnies and I love the little heart-shaped windows!

£4.99